Echoes and Stars

Tuesday's 55

2012-02-14T07:35:00.001-06:00

Today my parents celebrate their 55th wedding anniversary. Or 56th. They couldn't remember.

Regardless, I'm thankful for their marriage - theirs lives intertwined. Their example of selfless love for one another. My mother's admiration and respect for my father is fixed forever upon me. And my father's deep joy in the presence of my mother is a portrait hung upon the walls of my soul.

For what was annoying as a child - their constant physical and vocal affection for each other - is now a boon for my own marriage. I always assumed my parents wanted to be with each other more than anyone else. Even us kids. I'm thankful for that too.

55 years is a long time to love someone so close to you. But apparently not long enough for my parents.

I hope and have no doubt they will have a Happy Anniversary.

Some thoughts on the Grammys

2012-02-13T07:58:00.001-06:00

Since this blog is about everything, and The Grammys sit firmly under that banner. Here are some thoughts:

1. Seeing Brian Wilson sit in with The Beach Boys was amazing. Most of my younger readers won't get it. The Beach Boys? A lot of the great music we have today is a direct result of Wilson's genius and the Boys talents.

2. Every time they showed Lady Gaga, she seemed to look confused, "Why am I not getting all the attention?" Aaaaand she looked like a Mackerel stuck in a net.

3. I wasn't crazy about Macca's first performance but the finale was crazy good.

4. Something bothered me about Justin Vernon's (Bon Iver) acceptance speech. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of his music. But, let's face it, the hipster predisposition to despise what is popular and recognized as good can lead to a too cool for school attitude. Making music for the sake of making music doesn't mean it can't be meaningful to win an award for the music you made.

5.That Nicki Manaj thing was stupid. And talentless. And bizarre. And silly. And sad.

6. The Civil Wars got 60 seconds. And were amazing. And that's why the music industry is crumbling. They got one minute.

7. Taylor Swift needs to stop acting surprised when everyone cheers for her. And I say that as a fan.

8. You know what would be brave? If an artist used Islamic symbols and rituals to shock, that would be brave. The Catholics won't threaten to kill you.

9. What was that foolishness in the Micky Mouse head? He...it deserves to be laughed at often.

10. After I downloaded Adele's 21 back about a year ago, I listened to it straight through. And then I tweeted it would be the album of the year. It's well-deserved and gives me hope that great music will win out. We'll be listening to that album for a hundred years.

Tuesday's 10: Celebrating Charles Dickens at 200

2012-02-07T07:43:00.001-06:00

Another blog post for the literary among you...I mean, of my 10 readers (Hi, Mom!) certainly a couple of you enjoy reading about old books by long dead authors and such as that. And besides today is too important.

It's Charles Dicken's 200th birthday.

My first introduction to Dickens was through A Christmas Carol, either through a cathode ray or a cheap volume of Christmas ghost stories I read straight through in High School, one holiday break. I've not the exposure most have - outside of some short stories, Great Expectations and Our Mutual Friend, I've read nothing else. My wife and I have watched many versions of BBC, etc. adaptations of his works over and over, giving us a bird's eye view of his genius with character and humor.

It's impossible for me decide to if I like Great Expectations, Pip seems to be always with me though. Could be the case of a difficult story told really well. But the stories seem to stay with me and the characters as well, like friends from a former life weaving back in again from time to time, continually tying me to them.

So, today I'm posting 10 links to stories from around the world about the celebration of this monumental day. Tonight, I start another of his novels.

1. Charles Dickens 200th Birthday Celebration

2. Five Myths About Charles Dickens

3. A Tale of One City - Charles Dickens in Belfast

4. Charles Dickens Turns 200: Memorable Quotes from Greatest Victorian Novelist

5. Charles Dickens' birthday puts Kent back on the map

6. Charles Dickens app launched by University of Warwick

7. Why Modern Kids Can't Read Dickens

8. India's Love Affair With Charles Dickens

9. My hero: Charles Dickens by Simon Callow

10. Charles Dickens: 12 great movie and TV adaptations

The Church is Flooded with St. John Rivers

2012-02-06T07:56:00.000-06:00

I'm getting pretty close to the end of Jane Eyre.

I already know the basic story because I've seen so many film adaptations. And even though I did remember not liking the character of St. John in the movie versions, I assumed his Calvinistic evangelicalism was written so as to be dismissed by a modern reader. I assumed he would be more likable in the book. I assumed a modern prejudice against the clergy had crept its way into the script-writer's heart but the book would redeem him.

But he is actually worse in the book.

His desire to be a missionary is not an errand of affection for God or man. His desire to take Jane with him is one due to her usefulness and has no semblance to even the shadows of betrothed love. He means to use her in coldness as a companion and aid. His lack of love is nothing in his own estimation. And his estimation is calculating.

When she refuses to go as his wife, he throws heaps of guilt onto her heart. He assumes her life would and could only be one of "dissipation." Only if she takes up the missionary cause with him and is his "help-meet" in his ambition to be numbered among those saints celebrated for their sacrifice, will life be well spent.

He is cold. He is hard. And he seeks to shame her. His missionary zeal is all about him. He deigns to affect concern for Jane when warning her that rejecting the cause he is bound to just might send her to hell.

As I read his pleas, I could help but imagine many admiring him and nodding in agreement, though the reader is supposed to be appalled. But there is so much of the church crammed into the character of St. John Rivers. And enough lodged in my own heart to make me uneasy. He holds religion with zeal and has set his face like flint on the mission. But he lacks affection and we see it clearly in the way he handles Jane.

The church is flooded with St. John Rivers.

Linkage

2012-02-03T07:15:00.001-06:00

1. A copy of the Mona Lisa (contemporary with the one we already knew) has been discovered.

2. I almost lost it when reading this article about T.S. Eliot being a banker.

3. The best Charles Dickens characters.

4. Church or Cult? An article about Mars Hill in Seattle

5. The man, who accused CJ Mahaney and other SGM leaders of blackmail, speaks out.

6. Photos from an abandoned leper colony just outside of Queens, NY.

7. For 'Downton Abbey' fans - 10 facts about the show's real castle.

8. From Mark Twain to Ray Bradbury, Iconic Writers on Truth vs. Fiction

9. If you have an iPad and you love Jazz, I highly recommend this.

10. My wife is making these for you to buy and give to either yourself (if you're a girl) or you're significant other (if you're a boy). Please, my daughter needs braces.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2012-02-02T07:33:00.001-06:00

1. People who don't like ebooks are sooooooo materialistic.

2. Had a good day at work. It was weird.

3. Raised my hand while singing in church once but only cause I had a question about whether I was supposed to sing yet.

4. When my book comes out I will pray that all those who criticize it get saved.

5. If working at a bank was good enough for T.S. Eliot, well then...

6. A good reason to not nominate Ron Paul is the idealism of his supporters.

7. Where in the world is the baseball season when you need it?

8. Been talking walks in my neighborhood at night and I've seen things you just never see anymore, like a Burger King cup.

9. When you've been watching Downton Abbey, everything else plays like a B-movie. Except baseball.

10. I've lost 3 lbs this week in preparation for the Super Bowl.

Tuesday's 10: Some Great Classic Novels For You to Consider

2012-01-31T07:35:00.000-06:00

As I read Jane Eyre for the first time ((ducking)), it hits me all over again how much I love old novels. A good novel transports you into another world. Another world full of different characters you might never would have encountered otherwise. Another world replete with echoes of all your own hopes and dreams, failures and misfortunes. All of them dressed to the hilt in someone's skin so different than yourself, either a hero or villain, you never notice till the reality lands on you like a hurricane.

And sometimes they are just fun.

The following are ten of my favorites in no particular order, many I've read many times over. And almost all of them you can read for free on your e-reader.

1. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen - It's been called the greatest novel in the English language. Regardless, it's my favorite. I'll move along since I talk about my love for Austen a lot here.

2. Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens - I know Dickens fans who have never even heard of this one. But I think about it all the time. We watched the incredible BBC adaptation and I knew I had to read it. Bought it used off ebay and settled in to read this huge wonderful story. Great characters mired in existential difficulty dealing with tragedy, betrayal and deception.

3. The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky - This is another book, whose scenes swirl in my head often. I used to work in the BBQ restaurant in college. One guy I worked with was a self-proclaimed redneck who was majoring in Russian Lit. And he could play the guitar like gabriel could play the harp. Anyway, he introduced me Dostoyevsky and Van Morrison. I'll be forever thankful for both.

4. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas - The only novel I've read more than this one is P&P. It's an epic story with enough treasure and wonder and ships and grandeur for the kid in you. But the emotional turmoil of Dantes will beat about the soft edges of your heart till you cannot take it and you'll have to put it down. before you pick it right back up again. Trust me on this one. Read it. The unabridged version.

5. Travels With Charley by John Steinbeck - Everyone talks about Of Mice and Men. But I loved this one more. I can only remember a few scenes because it's been almost twenty years ago since I read it. But every now and then, I'll see something or here someone say a few words and I'll immediately think about this novel. I can't explain it. But that's a sign of some pretty good writing.

6. Dracula by Bram Stoker - When I decided to read this, I expected to get a chapter or two in and give it up. But I didn't do that. I cannot recommend a book more highly which you might be doubtful about. It's genius and beautiful and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I know nothing about Stoker but if I found out he was a Christian I would not be surprised.

7. Phantastes by George Macdonald - It would do no good to tell you anything about this story. It's so dream-like and surreal and beautiful and poetic and amazing and...I, uh...well, it's a "a faerie romance." Last year I was teaching Bible at a Classical School. The headmaster and I were at lunch and doing what I love more than anything, talking books over BBQ. He recommended this one to me. And I owe him.

8. The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame - Bought this on a whim. Van Morrison has a song called The Piper at the Gates of Dawn and the chorus is him singing "The Wind in the Willows/And the Piper at the gates of dawn..." over and over. It's a beautiful tribute to a great book. It's a children's book but well worth your time. And when you get to chapter 7, titled The Piper at the Gates of Dawn, you'll forget your reading a children's book and you'll wonder how you wandered into such greatness.

9. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne- Another one I think about all the time. And I've been thinking about it, ehem, even more in the last week. A classic story of ungrace, one of the seminal American novels.

10. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis - If you have not read this, we can't be friends. OK, that's harsh, you have one week, and then all bets are off. I read this one every year and live it often. I own four different copies. Wait, five...no six.

DA Carson Responds to Driscoll's Criticism of Pastoral Ministry in Britain

2012-01-30T07:34:00.002-06:00

Since I have been critical of groups like the TGC for silence on controversies bearing on it's members (CJ Mahaney and Driscoll), I thought it should be pointed out that D.A. Carson has responded to Mark Driscoll's criticisms of pastoral ministry in Britain. He is, of course, gracious - calling Driscoll a "friend" - and he is exacting, pointing out leaders and movements by name who are doing faithful pastoral in Britain.

Back when I wrote this, my first piece for The Gospel Coalition, Carson's father, who was a pastor and the subject of Carson's Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor, was in the forefront of my thinking. When Driscoll insulted the work of faithful British pastors working quietly in their little corners of the world, this work was the first I thought of.

So I really, really appreciate Carson's response.

But (you knew there would be this "But...") I would have liked to have seen something a little more than a post about him possibly not reading the situation correctly. This was not merely an error born of ignorance but also insults born out of arrogance. Until someone within TGC takes this head on, the perception will continue - you can be as insulting as you want as long as you are Reformed and missional.

A Story of Church Discipline at Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Part 2

2012-01-27T07:40:00.002-06:00

Since I posted and linked about the church discipline case at Mars Hill Church in Seattle, I have heard from a number of people, nearly all finding this kind of thing abhorrent. But a few others have pushed back a little and defended the actions of Mars Hill. Others think I and others have been too quick to judge. I've heard from a few folks once connected with Mars Hill and all were not surprised. I also heard from a Mars Hill pastor. He thinks I have made a mistake in judging them.

I'd like to list out some responses and sundry thoughts which have been brewing in my mind over the last couple of days.

1. The first thing that needs to be discussed is the opinion of those who think this (Andrew's story) is only one side of the story and we need to reserve judgement till we hear the other side. This is not only ridiculous, it is also false. Andrew's story is the other side of the story. Remember, the letter was sent out first to thousands of people on The City. Would the Mars Hill leadership have wanted anyone in the congregation to seek out the other side of the story after sending out that letter? Actually, we know the answer. They told them to shun him and to only communicate to him his need of repentance. We already know what the leadership thinks of Andrew and his behavior. The only people who think we need to wait around to hear more from Mars Hill are the kind of people who take the word of the respected megachurch leader over the defenseless.

2. "But Matt, don't you think he needs accountability?" If by accountability you mean authoritarian control straight out of a cult group's handbook, then no. No one needs that kind of accountability. There is nothing of the sort laid out for us in Scripture. If Christians want to voluntarily subject themselves to such a thing among friends, then fine. OK, have fun with that. But for a church to require accountability that demands such personal and intimate details has veered into a legalism that only makes sense in the worldview of cult-like leaders and followers.

3. I didn't have a sister growing up. But Julie "Jules" Head Groves was pretty darn close. Her big brothers are some the best friends a guy could have. When she read about all this, she said, "They might as well have stamped a letter "A" on him." It's a brilliant point. I wish I had thought of that literary allusion. It's perfect. if you've read Hawthorne's sad masterpiece, it would be easy to find the Mars Hill leadership in the story. And the contract. And the "letter" sent out on The City.

4. Who are we to require more signs of repentance than Jesus did? Whatever happened to, "Go and sin no more?" I have not read the parable of the prodigal son in a while but if I remember correctly there was no contract to sign, just grace. I mean, maybe the leadership of Mars Hill thinks asking the repentant to sign a discipline contract is like a hug followed by a party.

5. Where are the voices of reason within my own theological tribe? Where is John Piper and D.A. Carson, et al? Do they not care about this? Do they only care if Driscoll cusses but not about the church culture he has created? If TGC and T4G and all the Reformed bigwigs say nothing, then we can assume they have no problem with Mars Hill's discipline contracts.

6. The neo-calvinistic folks love to wield the word gospel around like a whip with which to keep others in line. OK, let's do it. This is a gospel issue. Either he is forgiven by God without having to jump through hoops or not. Andrew is either repentant or not. Why the need for hoops? When I read Horton's Putting Amazing Back into Grace years ago, I remember one particular chapter in particular. It was all about the hoops we all felt like we had to jump through to gain God's favor. Why should Mars Hill require hoops when God required Jesus? John Piper once asked what I thought was a great question, "Why should the doors of the church be more narrow than the gates of heaven?" So I ask "Why should any church require hoops God does not?" "I know Jesus forgives you but, well, we need you to sign a contract to make sure you really, really mean it. Really."

7. I am now part of the story of two Acts 29 churches. One's core group was a ministry I started. The other is the church I recently resigned from but has not been an Acts 29 church for almost a year. The reason I was attracted to this church planting group was the prophetic urgency of the gospel of grace. But even though there are certainly very good pastors involved with Acts 29, I would not attend one of their churches. The prophetic voice is always directed elsewhere. Where is the Paul, who will look in the eye of Peter and call him on it? For some reason we think it's so courageous to have a famous Acts 29 pastor go to a very broad conference and hit a home run and blow away the ones with poorer theology. What's so courageous about that? Courage would be saying publicly, "I am an Acts 29 pastor and I've had enough." Why will this not happen? Because they are either afraid or think it is no big deal. Or church discipline contracts are laudable.

8. Last thing. Let's assume for a moment that this is an isolated incident. Some seem to be taking it as such. "Why are you so worked up about this?" Just a couple of weeks ago we heard an interview in which the leader of Mars Hill challenged a British interviewer by pointing to the success of Mars Hill compared to the small church the interviewer goes to. Maybe you think that is OK....not sure how, but maybe you do. Here's the thing, should we not be able to evaluate a church based on how it treats its members? And not only by how many members and attenders there are? If you can point to the numbers and proclaim success to the world, can't others point to a church discipline contract and say, "legalism?" If this is not legalism, then what is?

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2012-01-26T07:33:00.001-06:00

1. I'm not a blogger, I'm a banker who blogs.

2. I'm Irish-Native-American. Which is why I prefer to drink my firewater in a pub. With corn beef. Maize beef?

3. Does Mars Hill have a church discipline contract for those struggling with Gluttony?

4. The people I work with keep asking me to do things like count money. And they want me to be precise, because it's money. It's pretty frustrating.

5. "Before ordering dinner I will call my Community group leader."

6. I think I should keep posting this video till all of you admit it is epic music.

7. With so many things that I love, you can almost draw a straight line to Ireland.

8. "I will not serve in any capacity at Mars Hill...unless it involves heavy physical labor wherein I might lose some weight."

9. Don't think of this as a blog so much as your conscience.

10. I was about to confess to you I have not had bacon in days but I'm afraid of what y'all will require from me in the name of love for me to demonstrate my sincere love of bacon. Unless it is eating bacon, crispy bacon. Not afraid of that.

A Story of Church Discipline at Mars Hill Church in Seattle

2012-01-25T07:51:00.001-06:00

One of my favorite bloggers has posted links detailing a case of church discipline at Mars Hills Church in Seattle. I was not an Acts 29 pastor but I was a pastor at a church that was planted as one and now no longer is. Get all that?

Regardless, this has the ring of truth to my ears. And not just because I'm cynical. Or disgruntled.

There is a breed of person who should probably not read this story. At least not yet. If you think it cannot be true or you are blinded by celebrity worship, then move along to the bow of the ship with your instruments.

Those who want to proceed, go ahead and hit the link above and then come back here...

Are you back? There are a lot of things wrong with this but in my mind the gravest is the letter sent out on The City. But maybe that's because I've been the subject of discussion on The City. And it was not edifying discussion. Only because a good friend alerted me to it, did I know and was able to defend myself. I was not able to access site personally.

I'd much rather write about Flannery O'Connor than this. But these kinds of things need to be discussed, especially if Driscoll is going to hold up his congregation for the world to see as the standard.

Let me make myself clear hear. I believe in church discipline. The great majority of the theology taught at Mars Hill, I adhere to. And love.

But this reeks of something other than caring discipline. It has all the hallmarks of authoritarianism. Or something worse. Remember this guy went to them and confessed. Again. And again.

Feel free to discuss in the comments. All attempts to go after me will be left up and laughed at. ;)

Tuesday's 10: Reasons to Read Flannery O'Connor

2012-01-24T07:56:00.000-06:00

I've been enthralled with the writings of Flannery O'Connor for about 15 years now. Her short stories and essays have become companions. A couple of months ago, I was having lunch with a friend, who also likes her work. He asked me pointedly, "Why O'Connor?" I cannot remember what I said but the question keeps getting asked and answered in my own head. This past week I sat down, while sick, and read her novel, The Violent Bear It Away. The question came again. Here are ten reasons to consider giving her a try.

1. She's a great writer. This may seem the most obvious. But I am not so sure. Oftentimes, her southern gothic stories and the characters within overshadow how well she wrote. She didn't just create great characters and memorable stories, she surrounded them with incredible sceneries of words and sentences. I can picture the Geranium sitting on the window sill.

2. She wrote short stories. Now, you may think the shorter the story, the easier it is to write. Short story writers like O'Connor would disagree. Creating something of lasting value with limited length is no easy task. She did this masterfully, every short story a snapshot into realities which we might not have noticed otherwise. Every year an award is given in her name to a short story writer.

3. Every story is one of faith. Sometimes it's front and center and at others, faith is in the corners lurking. Waiting. But its always there. This is not to say her stories should be seen as morality tales. She would not appreciate that. But she was a woman of deep faith and she wrote as if.

4. She nails language. If you are a writer and you want to write novels, study O'Connor. She dignifies all the contours of Southern speech and thought with writing which distinguishes the region's accent and colloquialisms from everywhere else.

5. She's funny. Her stories are full of humor. Not because she tells jokes of any kind but because they are full of everyday ridiculousness. The kind we laugh at in ourselves and others. her most horrific and most popular story, A Good Man Is Hard to Find, stands this kind of humor right up against the invasion of grace in a haunting final scene.

6. Her stories are not easy. Yes, this is an actual reason to read her, not to avoid her. Learning and stretching your tastes is not just for High School and College students. It's true, you may read a story of hers and wonder what the point is. But there you have already missed the point. Her stories are not morality tales. They are stories. And hers will stick with you for years after you've read them. And chances are at some point you will see something in the real world you would have missed had you not read Good Country People or Everything That Rises Must Converge. Often parts of our own lives only make sense years later. Why should fiction be so different?

7. She's Southern. In my opinion, this may be the greatest thing about her. But forgive me, I'm Southern and we are not used to being proud of people or happenings in which the rest of world is also. But while many from the South long to escape the stereotypes and the distinctives, she embraced them and in a way she has been an instrument for redeeming them. She doesn't romanticize, she merely points.

8. She's Catholic. This may turn you off but in my mind it's an asset. She is able to show me things I might not see without her eyes. Her eyes, so full of the sacramental, help me see the echoes of grace and the mercy of God, not just in her stories but everywhere.

9. Her characters are grotesque. This does not mean they are all ugly. This does not mean they are all bad. But their extremes show us more of them than we might see otherwise. She draws them in stark relief to all the heroes we are accustomed to staring at. They can help us understand other people and they can help us understand ourselves.

10. This was her life. That's not an entirely fair statement. And this is hard to explain, but when you read about her life, her writing defines it. She never married. There are no romances, really. There is very little drama. She was single and lived a short life. And no beauty by the world's standards. It is all about the words picked up by the winds of her mind and then laid down in these stories. She was devoted to these stories with routine and affection. And I think the stories find their most potent power in the context of her life.

The House of Truth and the Hearth of Kindness

2012-01-20T07:27:00.004-06:00

“And you ought not to think yourself on an equality with the Misses Reed and Master Reed, because Missis kindly allows you to be brought up with them. They will have a great deal of money, and you will have none: it is your place to be humble, and to try to make yourself agreeable to them.”

“What we tell you is for your good,” added Bessie, in no harsh voice, “you should try to be useful and pleasant, then, perhaps, you would have a home here; but if you become passionate and rude, Missis will send you away, I am sure.” - from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

This scene is early in the story of Jane Eyre, orphaned and taken in by an uncle, now dead. The uncle exacted a promise of kindness from his wife on behalf of Jane. Attacked by her older male cousin and now sentenced to a room for hours, one rumored to be haunted, she is scolded by the servants.

The Reed family, along with all the servants, even the one servant who deigned to speak tenderly to Jane Eyre, understood that as long as they housed her, there was no other kindness needed. This was sufficient.

She is ridiculed when not ignored. Lied about often and left out of festivities such as Christmas, she seeks warmth where it may be found - a ragged toy, a borrowed book or a quickly fading hearth.

As soon as I read the above the other night, I knew I had seen in this story what I'd been seeing in the church.

The current evangelical disposition is to act, preach and lecture as if all we must do is dispense truth. This is kindness enough. As long as we have the house of truth we can wink at ridicule. Brash is celebrated as boldness. Lack of kindness is applauded as being the passionate convictions of a straight-shooter.

The Reed family thought housing Jane was enough.

We evangelicals think the truth is plenty kind.

Prognosticators, who I agree with in almost every way have decried the loss of absolute truth and prophesied the impending doom of evangelicalism because of it. But I think they are wrong on this. Evangelicalism's great threat is not merely error for which we must erect battlements. It is the loss of loving-kindness within its own walls. The doctrinal bombs thrown up against the walls of orthodoxy are not nearly as deafening as the clanging gongs of our words of truth without love.

When the first opportunity presented itself, for her to leave the only real house she knew, Jane Eyre took it. She knew she could be cared for with a roof over her head at Gateshead. She would eat well enough. She would be clothed. She would have a comfortable bed. But she chose to leave Gateshead because this kind of care without kindness was not enough.

I cannot help but think we are headed in this direction. Maybe we are already there. Some say the mass exodus has already begun. While Christians young and old yearn for steadfast convictions in this world set upon a sea with no anchors to be found, they also long for some kindness. They ache for kindness.

You may disagree. You may think this is not what people really want. Those who say they want kindness really want a wishy-washy faith. They are limp-wristed momma's boys who want a hippie Jesus.

How kind.

My response is to think we should be kind regardless whether it is what they want or not. Whether they are our brothers and sisters in Christ or we are not sure of their salvation or they are our enemies. Whether they have women pastors or not. Whether they disagree with us on essentials or peripherals.

For some reason this is controversial to many people. My guess? We think if we are kind to them, they will think we are accepting them in their errors. So we correct them and call it "tough love." We don't want them to think they can get away with error or sin.

But maybe this is exactly how it's supposed to be? Isn't this what grace is at its core? God loving us in a way that looks like we are getting away with something? If we cannot see this, how can we be sure we have not drawn people into a house of legalism in the name of truth?

Jane's aunt held Jane's living in her house over her. The grace of kindness was not known. She had a luxurious roof over her head but had not earned by blood anything like kindness. Just like how those we disagree with have not earned kindness through correct doctrine or acceptable convictions.

We are happy to invite them into the house of truth but an invite to sit around the hearth of kindness is becoming more and more unusual as it becomes more and more crucial.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2012-01-19T07:08:00.001-06:00

1. Got another tweet from Dale Murphy last night. Which is a dream come true. As a kid back in the 80s I'd watch him play on TBS and think, "Wow, I'd love to get a tweet from him."

2. Grammar rules are for the little people. We can't say 'midgets' anymore, right?

3. This week I've eaten quiche twice, drank hot tea, read a poem and started Jane Eyre. I'm afraid Driscoll is going to tweet, "Farewell Matt Redmond."

4. You don't think Murph thinks I'm the Christian singer, do you?

5. I go back and forth with Gingrich...I mean sometimes I'm reminded of Monty Python but sometimes I immediately think of fruit cookies.

6. I may or may not be looking over my wife's shoulder while she peruses Pinterest right now.

7. Not all that glitters is glitter.

8. Wait, do Mormons listen to CCM?

9. My wife showed me a bacon recipe on Pinterest and didn't pin it. I don't even know her anymore.

10. The laughter of my children has all the magic of stars at eye-level.

Looking Over My Shoulder at Eden

2012-01-18T06:50:00.001-06:00

I hadn't read to my kids in over a week. It's possible it's been closer to two. This cold won't exit the premises and everyday I've come home from work, my voice has. But last night I was determined.

So I picked up our well-worn copy of The Jesus Storybook Bible and we started from the beginning. My eight year old sat in rapt attention as always and my 5 year old checked out about 2 pages in. Until we got to this part-

"And Adam and Eve joined in the song of the stars and the streams and the wind in the trees, the wonderful song of love to the one who made them. Their hearts were filled with happiness. And nothing ever made them sad or lonely or sick or afraid."

By this time our attention fixed like predators on prey. And my eyes in collusion with my heart almost caused the embarrassment of me losing it completely in front of my kids.

Maybe it's because I don't feel well. Maybe it was the moment, sitting there in solemn silence with those two holy persons so close I could smell the shampoo in their hair and feel the softness of their pajamas.

Or maybe I'm tired. And this sounded like the vacation we all hope for but never really materializes. The dream of so much good invading our senses the bad is crowded out.

Just imagining such a time is incredible and also painful. Sure, I've thought about it before but sometimes, like last night, boom, it lands on me in a way I can almost taste. So the heart aches. Because it is not really within reach. And so we gotta look forward.

But I kept looking back.

No colds, for me or my family.
No worries about the future.
No worries about now.
The bills.
The needs.
No wondering if my kids will turn out alright.
No taking dessert away from kids.
No not being able to afford it.
No broken sinks.
Or cars.
Or bones
Lives.

All the hurt was unknown for Adam and Eve. My wife and I think a Hampton Inn is the lap of luxury. Can you imagine having the world to yourself and no pain or sickness or hunger or jealousy or frustration or futility in work or sadness or cancer or loss or death?

This is not to say my life is hard - though every life has some hard, jagged edges. But sometimes the difficulties are in technicolor brilliance and the good stuff is playing on a crappy black and white TV with 3 channels.

And I know I'm looking back at what was and I need to look forward at will be. I assume it will be better. That's pretty hard to believe though. I'd just be happy with Eden at this point.

I suppose this is what the stories are for and why they've been given. So we can pine. So the muscles of faith can be stretched in the world we know as we prepare for the moments coming full of a world we can hardly imagine.

Tuesday's 10: Thoughts on the Newest Mark Driscoll Controversy

2012-01-17T06:33:00.001-06:00

In case you have not yet heard about the interview Mark Driscoll did over in Britain - wait, are you sitting down? - he needlessly offends a number of people, namely all the not-famous pastors throughout the UK. Especially the old ones who wear clerical robes.

If you want to read up on it, go here, here and here.

Following are 10 thoughts on all of this.

1. This is getting very predictable. About every six months, Driscoll says something ridiculous, gets a lot of attention, blames others, does not apologize and no one within his own tribe ever calls him on it. You see, only if he uses really bad language is anyone going to call him on it publicly. Because the fruit of the Spirit is clean language.

2. The celebrity pastor. Driscoll sees the presence of the Spirit in the life of a church through the singular phenomenon of young, well-known male preachers. In other words we are no longer discussing the celebrity pastor as an underlying issue which we need to careful of. It is now the clear standard by which we measure faithfulness and success in ministry.

3. The missional problem. Obviously as long as you are missional (whatever that means), you can be insulting. You can go too far and justify your actions by your works as a pastor. You can be unkind but it's OK because you have a big church with a lot of conversions.

4. Actually. I would love to live in a culture where there were no famous young pastors. Just faithful ones.

5. "But you used to love Driscoll." I also used to need a diaper. Both have a lot of crap in common. And I grew out of both in just a few years.

6. I am not a liberal in my theology. I'm very conservative in my theology. But I am also broad in my desire for unity. I'm getting to the point where I would rather be associated with some of the more liberal theologians than guys like Driscoll who bully and ridicule and defend themselves with their spiritual bona fides.

7. Jesus or Mesus? Go listen to the interview and you will wonder. Or not.

8. Was the interview combative? Nope. But what if it was? Shouldn't that be OK? Or should Driscoll assume all interviewers agree with him. He could have easily just said, "Hey, you are going to disagree with me on this but here is what I believe..." But he didn't. He called the interviewer annoying. That was before he insulted the interviewer's wife.

9. Jonathan Edwards was a sissy. I mean, he wore one of those "dresses" too. Didn't he? As well as Calvin. And all the reformers. Too bad they didn't live in a culture where it was acceptably masculine to wear a Mickey Mouse shirt.

10. The great problem. The great problem for the church is not that we aren't sufficiently missions-oriented or don't evangelize enough. It seems if that should be our focus Paul would have said something about our need for it. But he did say a lot about love and kindness and patience and peace and unity. The only reason this will not be a big deal to many people is because we don't care about what Paul cared about. We would rather correct people than be kind to them. And it will continue.

An Appreciation of Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

2012-01-16T10:30:00.001-06:00

Back when the earnest of writing was at an apex following the contract I signed and then mailed back to a publisher, I started looking for books on writing. To learn the craft of writing a book, yes, but mainly for some sanity.

I thought there was really something wrong with my mind. My emotions were everywhere. At once wanting to tell everyone and no one at all. Hope and despair cavorted with animal abandon.

And then out of nowhere I wanted to fade into obscurity. And have no one read anything. Or know me. And then excitement would come back stumbling in like a prodigal son - with a humble desire to have some measure of being read...of contributing to the vast edifice of good writing, whose shadow I've taken sanctuary in.

There was a hint of Junior High.

Back to the books, though. There are a lot of them. And some have been helpful. And while my skills needed honing, the heart and mind - the reservoir from which the words spring - needed counsel.

A friend, whose a much better writer, recommended Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird. This was six months ago. That very night I spent more than an hour rifling through the language arts section of the local used bookstore. Ironically, nothing is in any kind of order in the Language Arts section.

I want you to stop and think about that for a second.

At least once a month for six months I'd cover my fingers with the dust of unwanted books looking for Lamott's book on writing. Buying new books had become taboo since this store opened and I couldn't afford them anyway. So I'd take my unwanted volumes down in hopes of getting some credit to buy more books. And for six months I'd start by looking in the chaos of the Language Arts section.

To make it all the more difficult, the hipsters running the place would peer into the screen of the computer dating back to the Carter administration and tell me it was on the shelf in the back hole of the Language Arts Section.

But I could never find it. For six months.

Finally, a little more than a week ago, it was there. I looked around wondering if this was some nerdy version of Punk'd. Surely this wasn't it. It was. And just in time because someone I respect had recently recommended it very highly. I would have been very frustrated to not find it once again.

But I did find what I was looking for. And after only a few minutes of looking through the section of the store most like that warehouse in the last scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Bethany and I were on a date. The kids were at the grandparents for the night. So knowing it would only be my own bladder to distract and not those of my offspring, I settled into a chair.

Only five pages were needed of sitting in that chair and digging into this book to confirm, this was the book I think I just might need.

And it was. I was not crazy. All the conflicting positions, emotions and convictions when thinking about writing and publishing and being a person in the midst of it all were sitting on the page in front of me. My soul was laid out in font.

Sure, there's great advice. But more importantly is Lamott's own ego and despair and self-hatred and doubt and jealousy and hope and faith and joy. And all was mixed together like some ridiculous stew no one would choose to digest.

But you do when you write. No one had told me till now. I thought I was teetering on the edge of crazy with no way to explain to anyone for fear they would quickly need to catch a bus. I was not crazy, or at least not in an inordinate way. With each turn of the page a brilliant sky of possibility opened up to gaze in. Now I might look crazy to some when looking up into that firmament. But, I knew I wasn't the only one.

And that's the sanity I'd been searching for, for six months.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2012-01-12T06:34:00.001-06:00

1. In 3rd grade I hid my report cards from my parents. My daughter makes A/B honor roll. At least I gave her the inability to pay attention.

2. I've been fighting a cold for 3 weeks but I will not yield.

3. I just feel asleep in my chair after that last thought.

4. All this talk in the church about the need to talk bluntly about sex assumes we should be talking about it a lot.

5. I wonder if Adam ever said, "Eve, you're the only girl for me."

6. So, are people still like occupying and stuff?

7. For some reason the people I work with at the bank think I know how to count and do math and things of that sort.

8. A libertarian politician is one who thinks no one should tell you what to do except them.

9. I'm afraid I'm losing my kids. They seem to be just as happy with sausage as with bacon.

10. Finally, we are going to get some cold weather down here. Now I can build a fire, get all cozy on the couch and tell everyone on Facebook about it.

Tuesday's 10: Favorite Albums of 2011

2012-01-10T07:15:00.002-06:00

I didn't download a whole lot of new music in 2011. Most of what I bought was recorded and released before that snow storm of which I was a product. But I did download some really, really great albums. The following are my favorites regardless of when they were actually released. Feel free to list any surprising favorites in the comments.

1. Adele - 21. The first time I sat down and listened to this one I knew it would be the album of 2011. No question about it being my favorite album of the year. We've listened to this one so much, the whole family knows it by heart. Highlight? Every freaking note.

2. Take It Satch! - Louis Armstrong. I bought it for about 4 bucks at a used bookstore and I've listened to it constantly. I cannot get enough of Basin Street Blues. Not listening to Louis Armstrong should get you a fine from the awesome police.

3. Billie Holiday with Lester Young. There is no voice greater than Lady Day's. Pair it with the epic skills of the Prez and you have so much goodness.

4. The Civil Wars - Barton Hollow. It's weird I cannot listen to this album over and over. But I go through periods where I need to hear it. Two voices. Two instruments. Gorgeously Zen. Highlight? Poison and Wine.

5. The Decemberists - The King is Dead. This is my one hipster album to keep all you cool kids reading. Singular lyrics full of poetry in the truest sense of the word. Highlight? All Arise.

6. Paul McCartney - Band on the Run. I already knew a good bit of the tunage on this one but I never bought the album. Just great pop music from the greatest melody maker ever.

7. The Wailin' Jennys - Firecracker. All their albums were downloaded by your favorite blogger. But this is my favorite. Sometimes you need to listen to beautiful music. This is about as beautiful as it gets. Highlight? Glory Bound.

8. Miles Davis - Kind of Blue. I actually have owned this album for years. But I lost it in a hard drive crash. So I did buy it again this year. Is that cheating?

9. Alison Krauss and Union Station - Live. I've wanted this one for a long time but just never pulled the trigger. After watching the DVD version, I had to have it. The only thing I don't like about this album is how long I waited to purchase it.

10. Taylor Swift - Speak Now. (handing over man-card) I'm going to really get made fun of for this one. But I have to tell the truth, I love her music. We don't even have all the songs of the album but I think she's crazy talented enough and this album has enough singles to list it. Highlight? Back to December.

I Want to Forgive! Wait, No I Don't!

2012-01-08T15:10:00.000-06:00

...when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. - Romans 7:21

(This is a follow-up to last week's post on forgiveness.)

Sometimes when you lift the rocks lying with all their weight upon the dampened earth of your soul, unwanted creatures are found living there. The light of day makes them scurry but just knowing they were there makes you want to jump out of your skin. Emotions which slither, scuttle when disturbed. The fresh air disturbs the moist, dank place which had been left alone for a rather long while. I almost always wait for all those nasty things to evacuate the premises and then I work to put the rock back just as it was, so I can walk away.

Often the rock is your stone-cold heart. And the cold is due to the need for forgiveness. You can feel the coldness in your hands. It's heavy and cold. What's sad is how good the coldness feels in your hands so hot with anger and vengeance.

The moment after I decided I wanted to take a step on the path of forgiveness, murderous thoughts sprang like up ninjas. Murderous ninjas. Seriously, here I am getting all holy and godly and wanting to forgive this jackass and then boom, I want him dead.

It's only a little bit funny because it's so normal. Of course no one talks about it. They are too busy talking on facebook about how they are praying for someone or quoting the most awesomest preacher ever.

Remember that scene in the first Lord of the Rings movie, when they are in the house of Elrond and Bilbo sees the Ring hanging around Frodo's neck? I'm not sure if it's in the book cause I haven't read the book in a couple of years - the copy I have is huge and unwieldy. The pictures are awesome though. Anyway, Bilbo's face contorts into some demonic form and he reaches wildly toward Frodo's neck and the Ring. Just moments before he spoke to his nephew with tenderness and affection. And then this fierce evil takes over.

I just wish I could blame it all on some damned (literally) magical ring.

It's this heart however, I'm stuck with. A heart, at once hoping for traction in forgiving someone and also looking to grease it's own wheels with resentment. This is the truth - some of the time I want to forgive and move on but there's a hell of a lot of time (literally) when I just want to put the rock back exactly as it was. I'll replay all the old movies for catharsis, pausing for the bits where I am really, really wronged. You know how sometimes when you pick the rock up the ground moves and needs to be pushed against the edges so that cold hunk of matter will just stay put.

Maybe this is step number two.

First, you have to decide to forgive, knowing you are woefully incapable of doing it. So you ask for God's help. He knows a little about forgiveness and so can be wildly helpful. But then after taking that step you realize you still have all this hate and a heart to match. So maybe you gotta just reckon with this dark reality as the next step - the evil that kept you from forgiving doesn't just disappear when you step on the path of forgiving. Otherwise you start talking like Pollyanna and living out the Christian version of the Hallmark channel...which by the way looks an awful lot like the video section of the Christian bookstore. You know, framed needlepoint verses in pixels. And that would just be a step backwards.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2012-01-05T06:37:00.001-06:00

1. My best friend of 32 years lives in Iowa and I still get it mixed up with Idaho. The state, not him. His name doesn't sound anything like Idaho.

2. If I was going to join a cult, it might be the one called "People Who Want to Elect Ron Paul."

3. My least favorite way to hear an article described is "thoughtful." It says more about the person saying it than the actually article.

4. I love eating my Christmas presents.

5. Sometimes I weigh expected profit of putting kids on eBay vs. what DHR will do.

6. Spent a lot of good quality time with friends lately. No wonder I feel rich.

7. The King's Speech is the best movie I saw last year. And it will most likely be the best movie I will see this year.

8. It is impossible to take seriously all the "the gospel is the only thing" talk from the celebrity pastors when they are consistently being controversial about things other than the gospel.

9. The most extreme position in modern American politics is thinking the belief that marriage should only be between a man and a woman is an extreme position

10. I didn't do a random thought on bacon because I don't want to be known as a one trick pony.

A Step on the Path of Forgiveness

2012-01-04T06:49:00.001-06:00

But everybody needs a little forgiveness. - Patty Griffin

Everybody. Though it pains me to type it out, it's true. True, like the heat of flames. True, like the missed warmth of friendship long gone.

Over the years I've wrestled awkwardly with resolutions, New Years and otherwise. Alternating between embracing them with passion and despising them with the same, I felt I must land somewhere and do so resolutely on the matter. I've tired of that. Now I just do whatever feels like needs to be done. And so I've made no resolutions lately.

I do not plan to alter this consistent course now. But I do need to do something this year with far more weight behind it. Actually, it may be out in front.

I need to forgive someone.

And yes, it is still all out in front of me, undone. But for the first time since the need arose, I want to pack up my emotional baggage and be off for that talked of land which I have heard so much of and yet never really seen.

My well-worn grudge has been harbored. And I've had no real desire to raise the anchor and set out. My claims have been staked and to budge has not been an option. But now, well, I'm of a decidedly different mind.

It was no small slight. This is not the stuff of hurt feelings. It was...is the kind of wound which leaves grooves upon the soul. It cannot kill but it can leave the interior tender.

I tell you this so you will realize why this is not merely a decision but a journey. Some will understand. You have grasped for the same words. And tugged at the hems of the same emotions.

Most talk of forgiveness is foolishness. As if we can forgive easier than God. God's forgiveness came at the expense of his only Son. And was a plan of forgiveness stretching over thousands of years on into eternity. The forgiveness of a moment is fiction. It's length begins with a moment but must be followed up by moments all the way to death oftentimes. Go figure.

I prefer the metaphor of steps. Each step in the direction towards the peaceful soul I've longed for and pine for still. I assume I'll step toward mountains and into sloughs of despond aplenty. There's something very Zen about steps. So simple, babies take them. They begin hard, they become easier.

He may never know of my forgiveness. And he certainly may not agree there is anything to forgive. I cannot imagine him asking. To tell him of my forgiveness would be a provocation without cause.

I'm not sure why it's easier to begin along this path now, after no longer being a pastor. But it is, strikingly so. However, I'm afraid it will be hard. Hard like all the hardness in my heart towards him. Hard like granite layered upon steel encased in marble.

So I begin now, in the month named for Janus, the Roman God of gates and doors, beginnings and transitions. He is represented by two heads - one looking to the past and one to the future ahead. So I figure, now is as good a time as any to begin forgiving. God help us.

Tuesday's 10: Plans for 2012

2012-01-03T06:33:00.001-06:00

Not really resolutions. Goals? How about plans?

1. Read 100 books.

2. Learn my job so I can enjoy going into work.

3. Take my family to the beach.

4. Read more poetry.

5. Forgive.

6. Take my daughter on more dates.

7. Hold my book in my hands.

8. Hold my wife more.

9. Laugh.

10. Rest/Grow in grace.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-12-29T07:05:00.001-06:00

1. When dieting I only eat the fruit-flavored jelly beans.

2. Most of my kid's Christmas toys work.

3. When I try to picture Dolores Umbridge, my mind fills with the visage of Janet Napolitano.

4. Now that Christmas is over, the next day on the calendar which will be wielded to make you feel guilty about something...anything is MLK day. Then Valentines. Then Easter. Oh wait, I forgot New Years. Just watch. So terribly predictable.

5. The only thing I like about being sick is the reading while your laying around. And the bacon.

6. As soon as Christmas came the ornaments on our tree breathed a sigh of relief but could not help but feel sorry the toys knowing their future held little hope.

7. I knew I had lost my daughter when she chose to play with the Leapster over the iPad.

8. I don't think the modern evangelical church knows how to disciple men and women in their day in and day out lives. All it knows is "quit what you are doing and be radical."

9. If you can get drunk on queso and salsa, tonight I'm getting plastered.

10. Spent $70 worth of iTunes gift cards on a digital Springsteen box set. Part of one of the videos didn't work. Just part of one. Apple is crediting my account for that $70 plus tax. And all I asked for was a way to fix it. That is customer service.

Tuesday's 10: Books from 2011

2011-12-27T07:06:00.001-06:00

I wasn't really sure which books to list today. If I were to list the best books I've read this year, most of them would be books I read last year also - Pride and Prejudice, Witness by Whittaker Chambers, Count of Monte Cristo, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek. I've read them all before. Some numerous times.

So I decided to just list the best books I read for the first time. Remember this is the best of my 2011 and not the best books of 2011. Though many try, that would be an impossible list according to logic.

So, below are my ten favorite books I read for the first time in 2011. In no particular order.

1. The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton. Merton's memoir of his journey to becoming a monk is one the most well-written and memorable stories I've ever encountered. The fact that he is not always very likable and he is the one telling the story make it all the more enjoyable.

2. The Gardner Heist: The True Story of the World's Largest Unsolved Art Theft by Ulrich Boser. Oh man, I loved this book. Couldn't put it down. But I'm addicted to books about art theft.

3. Winter Light: a Christian's search for humility by Bruce Ray Smith. The first release by my publisher has been shooting through my mind and heart like stars in the winter night ever since I began. Though I read this for the first time this year, I've now gone through it 3 times. Part Brother Lawrence and part casual poetry.

4. Planet Narnia: The Seven Heavens in the Imagination of C. S. Lewis by Michael Ward. Imagine reading a book unlocking the code to help you understand your favorite childhood books...

5. Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand. This was a hard read for me. But I couldn't put it down. It made me ashamed of all the character traits I saw and admired but lacked.

6. Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs. The only book since Dracula to make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Hard to stop reading even when you know you have to sleep and get up for work in the morning. Can't wait for the second one.

7. The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson. I can't stop think about this story of the architectural renaissance of Chicago, the 1893 World's Fair and a serial killer. A crazy story that would be unbelievable if it were not true.

8. Lit by Mary Karr. I've always thought poets were the best writers and Karr is no exception. I got so enthralled in this memoir I began to take it everywhere I went. Gritty. Raw. And absolutely beautiful.

9. Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. i may be cheating on this one. I don't remember ever reading it but I might have when much younger. Regardless, it isn't till you actually read the story that you realize that neither Romeo or Juliet are heroic in any fashion. They are teenage fools with nothing to really admire about them. I always thought they were to be applauded. They are to be heeded.

10. Phantastes by George MacDonald. I'm not even sure what the book was about but I cannot stop thinking about it. And it has been almost a year since I read the thing. It gave me weird dreams but I'm still enraptured by the scenes. A book liberally full of wonder that left me wanting more.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-12-22T07:02:00.001-06:00

1. Last night I enjoyed one of my favorite Christmas traditions, watching a Christmas movie while my wife wraps presents.

2. OK, who is gonna buy me the new live Taylor Swift CD/DVD for Christmas?

3. I'm waiting for a blog post letting us know if you don't go to church on Christmas you don't understand Christmas. Just wait, it's coming to a Facebook feed near you.

4. You know, all Rosemary Clooney had to do was ask Bing Crosby if they were going to televise the show at the inn in Vermont. But then we wouldn't have gotten to hear her sing that song.

5. Sometimes when I'm sad I think of all the happy memories I have of bacon and the future we have together.

6. Ummm, we have coat hangers on our Christmas tree and they're still shaped like coat hangers.

7. I like White Christmas but I think my favorite Christmas movie is The Bourne Ultimatum.

8. While you're worried about Christ being taken out of Christmas, The Bare Naked Ladies are singing "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" on the radio.

9. I've given up on a White Christmas and now I'm holding out for an iTunes Christmas.

10. The baby we celebrate this season grew up to make the best wine ever for a wedding party. I'm sure he would not mind our extravagant Christmas festivities. So relax a little. And enjoy it for a change all ye evangelicals.

Tuesday's 10: Gifts That Wont Fit Under the Tree

2011-12-20T08:01:00.001-06:00

No forty-year old man enjoys getting gifts as much as I do. Birthdays and Christmas are awesome for a guy like me. But some gifts are just too big to put under the tree. I already have been given them anyway.

1. My Wife. Not only does she put up with me but she seems to enjoy it for the most part. She continues in beauty and I cannot imagine life without her. Actually she might fit under the tree.

2. The Kids. Each one so different and full of so many reasons for joy. I could have never known the love I'd have for them. They also may fit under the tree but we have set up a perimeter around the tree for the protection of remaining ornaments.

3. Our House. It's like a modern mountain chateau. And though it's technically our neighbor's/friend's, I cannot imagine living in a house I'd like more. We rent a work of art.

4. The Night Sky. I'm clueless when it comes to constellations but a clear night sky is a gift beyond imagination. If we never had it and then was just given to us out of the blue, we would weep with wonder.

5. Friends. We have so many it's ridiculous. We don't deserve them. Maybe my wife does. And they are incredible. They have prayed for us and supported us. They make us laugh and they make us teary-eyed with their kindness.

6. All the Music. A man who has the ability to listen to Louis Armstrong play his trumpet, settle into Springsteen's "Darkness", breathe in Dylan's "Freewheelin", and revel in Van Morrison's "Astral Weeks" cannot want for much.

7. Memories. We never think of it till we are old. But all these remembrances and the very ability to recall them because one of our senses has been sounded is a wealth beyond measure given.

8. All the Books. Who would I be without them? They have been constant companions and are my final destination each and every day.

9. My Hometown. We have been back in Birmingham for over 2 years now. Almost seems as if we have never left. I love this place. I love the mountain we live on the valleys we pass through. The people. The restaurants. The roads. It's all home.

10. Family. We live close to all of our immediate family. Most married couples do not get to enjoy this. We didn't for a decade. But now we are geographically close to everyone and growing closer to all of them.

Christmas As A Hammer

2011-12-16T07:50:00.001-06:00

Short post today. But one I've been swishing around in my head for a couple of weeks.

My fellow Christians will use anything as a hammer with which to pound conviction. Liberals, evangelicals, emergent, high-church, low - doesn't matter, we'll use any event, news story or personality to make people feel bad about something. And usually it's one of our own personal little convictions we recently have gotten excited about.

And Christmas is no exception.

Our culture is lush with materialism year round. But we choose Christmas to beat people over the head with this fact. You know, the season in which we are usually after gifts for others and not ourselves.

Neglecting Jesus is day-in and day-out phenomena for all of us. But we choose this time of year to be upset because someone or some business chooses to say "Happy Holidays!" Which is really a kind thing to say, just not kind enough for our liking.

And therein lies the problem. It's all about us.

But it should not be. Christmas is a time for joy and wonder at all the grace lavished on us through the crazy miracle of incarnation. I can't think of a better time to want to lavish gifts on loved ones and to enjoy with childlike excitement the gifts others have given us.

Listen, if you have convictions about how to do christmas, that's great. There's no need to turn them into sermons. Of course, the problem may be that you "do" Christmas instead of celebrating it. It's a statement of your conviction- what you will do and not do this year - and not a celebration of all that God has done.

May the joy and wonder of what God has done in giving us this Baby spill over into our enjoyment of all the parts of the season.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-12-15T07:02:00.001-06:00

1. Gonna take a couple of days off this weekend. Probably Saturday and Sunday.

2. Word on the street is Tebow will be standing in for Chuck Norris in the last 5 minutes of his next film.

3. Thanks to everyone for the kind words regarding my article being published over on CT. There are now autographed commemorative copies available but if you wait for the Groupon, they will be free.

4. Who gives a rip about the Muffin Man? It's the bacon man we love.

5. When work is slow, I feel like an expert.

6. My head tells me the wrapped cylindrical object under the tree is Summer Sausage but my heart says rocket launcher.

7. I'd spend more time with the iPad but geez, I have to sleep.

8. Do you know how hard it is to find LOTR pajamas? In my size?

9. Did I tell you about the time I was playing Free Cell on my iPad and there was no 6 of diamonds? I did a screen capture in case you did not believe me.

10. It's possible that impoverished people the world over get to this time of year and think, "I feel sorry for those poor souls over in America who, for a whole month, are being subjected to George Michael's 'Last Christmas' over and over and over again."

Tuesday's 10: Thoughts On Tebow

2011-12-13T07:39:00.001-06:00

Everyone else has weighed in on Tebow. Why not me? Some of these are the beginnings of blogposts unto themselves. And they may show up someday. But for now, ten thoughts on Tebow and all the criticism.

1. If you are a believer, any discussion of Tebow should be colored by an understanding that he is our brother. This doesn't preclude criticism but it should color it differently.

2. Tebow has the jaw line of a cartoon Batman.

3. Am I the only one who gets the feeling this is the the cool kids not liking the not-cool kids?

4. What does Tebow now have to do to earn the respect of the commentators who were/are his critics? My guess? Stop talking about his faith and/or win a Superbowl.

5. The only player who has a better winning percentage than him is Aaron Rodgers. Aaron Freakingundefeatedhalloffamebound Rodgers.

6. I just assume this is all about our culture's desire for edgy heroes. You want edgy? You can have Alec Baldwin, Xavier and Cincinnati's basketball team and Miley Cyrus.

7. One of the criticisms of Tebow is he will not be able to keep up this kind of winning and will eventually not do well. Of course, those who say this do not think he will not keep up this kind of wining and get better.

8. We now live in a culture where Christians get all excited because of a vaguely spiritual line from unbelieving musicians and recoil at the overt faith of a professed believer in the gospel.

9. Respect of players > opinion of commentators.

10. I actually thought that after the Sandusky/Paterno revelations, people would long for heroes like Tebow. Silly me.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-12-08T06:37:00.001-06:00

1. Wife brought home Zaxby's last night and I felt like we were cheating on Chick-fil-a.

2. For all of you who think Christmas is too materialistic, can I have your presents?

3. I'm thinking about starting a new blog detailing all my meals. It will be called "Awesome."

4. I need to just get over it. I'll never look as good as I want to in a leotard.

5. One of my favorite parts of the season is curling up by the fire and skipping "Baby, It's Cold Outside" on Pandora.

6. Zaxby's sauce is also known as "1/6 of a Big Mac".

7. My greatest weakness as a writer is remembering what punctuation goes inside the quotation marks and which are outside. So I just do it both ways and then I'm happy to have gotten half right.

8. Just how Pagan is the Winter Solstice? Cause I need an excuse to keep our tree up till March.

9. So far the best part of working in a bank is someone always has change for a dollar.

10. Not being able to remember the last time you had bacon is kinda like a meat specific amnesia.

Tuesday's 10: iPad Apps I Love

2011-12-05T19:28:00.001-06:00

Finally I get to blog about something I love dearly. My iPad 2. I've now had her...it since October 27th at approximately 6:45 AM. And I've no idea how I lived...breathed without her. I mean it.

Since we met...I mean since I got it, I've tried out a number of apps. The following are 10 that are nothing but awesome. I'm sure this list will change a little over time. But for now these are the favorites and how much they cost.

1. Pages. Easily my favorite, Pages is Apple's answer to the train wreck that is Word. This is a gorgeous and easy to use app for word processing. Worth all $9.99 and then some.

2. Flipboard. I've no idea how to describe this one except it makes blog reading very enjoyable. The aesthetics are wonderful and again like all the best apps it is easy to use. I still can't believe this one is free.

3. Angry Birds Seasons HD. So awesome, awesome, awesome. $1.99 for Seasons HD.

4. iBooks. I love reading on the iPad. I like real books as much as anyone but I also like reading on something as beautiful as her. It...the iPad. Free.

5. Kindle. This one just popped up into my favorites list. A couple nights ago I checked out an ebook through Amazon from my local library. Within minutes it was on my iPad and ready for me to devour. I cannot even get my head around how awesome this is. Free.

6. Lyrics Finder. Sometimes I cannot understand what Dylan, The Boss or Van the Man are singing. Pull this app up while listening and the lyrics are right there. Easy and seamless. $.99

7. Monet HD. Exactly what you would expect, Monet's work in all their beauty. A breathtaking app full of masterpiece after masterpiece. It all comes with museum worthy music. And from the same folks there are apps for Van Gogh, Carvaggio, Rembrandt, Michaelangelo, Da Vinci and more. $.99.

8. Shakespeare. Seriously. Sometimes I just read parts of one of his plays at random. With many writers - even the best - you have to dig for the treasures. But with the Bard, they just sit there in the wide open ready to be scooped up. This app has some amazing features including a glossary and quotations. And it was free.

9. Freecell. I'm a gamer. I game. Especially with free games.

10. Life for iPad. Reminding us that not everyone who has a camera is a photographer. And also reminding us why so many want to be one. Free.

Rest, Though the World Swirls Around Us All

2011-12-05T06:42:00.001-06:00

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." - Jesus

That was our call to worship yesterday. And with the world swirling around me, it's all I needed. Though I did not chafe against any of it, the rest of the service wasn't really needed.

The offer of rest was a welcome one.

Living in the unpredictable wake of moving into a job in which I do not yet feel comfortable has left me feeling the thinness of my own skin. Corporate culture is different from what I'm used to. Not bad, just different.

There is no need to feel sorry for me. Actually I'm appreciative in the midst of this. I can get pretty wrapped up in my world but I'm aware there are many who did not really have the choice I did. I moved toward the things I'm struggling to understand and do well.

I drive approximately 5 minutes to a job I lunged for. But I pass so many each morning mired in their cubicles and positions. You can see the fire flickering out at traffic lights everywhere. Hurrying to a place they have very little desire to occupy, they sigh in so many words...

"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,..."

So, I know. I know there are others who are laboring under heavier yokes than me. But I love Jesus' words as one who has the world swirling around him and wants it all to slow down. A moment for a peaceful soul is the order of the day.

As we inch - speed closer to Christmas day I feel the tug of the rest promised. A rest promised for restless hearts and worried minds. A rest for the tired and weary. And a double rest for the confused and languishing.

As I type this I sit under the stars, everyone a sermon. Every one is a reminder of the One announced by a star. The Gentle One for all those who have been banged up by life. And death. The One with a lowly heart for restless ones.

Though the world swirls around us all.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-12-01T07:09:00.001-06:00

1. The media doesn't really like Lady Gaga or her music. They just like the way she shocks middle America.

2. I keep buying and returning iPad cases. I may have a problem.

3. My buddy Sean has been out of the office all week. So we have not been able to chat through lotus notes. It's been a long week.

4. Most people who have as little money as we do, do not get to live in their dream house as we do.

5. When you get an iPad for your birthday in late October, it is easy to not be materialistic about the Holidays. Think about it.

6. I mentally makes notes in my head about how things remind me of Harry Potter.

7. For some reason I've gotten a lot done at work this week.

8. Bought an app this week which doesn't work too well. I blame liberals and El Niño.

9. Pretty excited about being able to watch Antiques Roadshow on the iPad. Boom.

10. People keep giving me bacon-flavored everything except...bacon.

Christmas Is For Those Who Hate It Most

2011-11-29T18:24:00.001-06:00

I wrote the following a couple of years ago. Thanks to my friend, Collin Hansen over at The Gospel Coalition, for making it available to a wider audience last year.

* * *

We are now accustomed to hearing how Christmas is difficult for many people. The story of Scrooge and his - ehem - problems with the season is no longer anecdotal. It is now par for the course. Maybe this has always been the case. Maybe the joy of the season has always been a thorn in the side of those who can scarcely imagine joy.

Not too long ago, I heard from one of these people about how difficult Christmas would be because of some heartbreak in their family. There was utter hopelessness and devastation. Christmas would be impossible to enjoy because of the freshness of the pain. It's been a story hard to forget.

I get it. I mean, it makes sense. Christmas is a time in which there is a lot of heavily concentrated family time. The holidays can be tense in even the best of circumstances. Maneuvering through the landmines of various personalities can be hard even if there is no cancer, divorce or empty seat at the table. What makes it the most wonderful time of the year for one is also what makes it the most brutal time of the year for another. My own family has not been immune to this phenomenon.

I'd like to push back against this idea a little. Gently. I think we have it all backwards. We have it sunk deep into our collective cultural consciousness that Christmas is for the happy people. You know, those with idyllic family situations enjoyed around stocking-strewn hearth dreams. Christmas is for healthy people who laugh easily and at all the right times, right? The successful and the beautiful, who live in suburban bliss, can easily enjoy the holidays. They are beaming after watching a Christmas classic curled up on the couch as a family in front of their ginormous flat-screen drinking perfectly mixed hot cocoa. We live and act as if this is who should be enjoying Christmas.

But this is so damnably backwards. Christmas – the great story of the incarnation of the Rescuer – is for everyone, especially those who need a rescue. Jesus was born as a baby to know the pain and sympathize with our weaknesses. Jesus was made to be like us so that in his resurrection we can be made like him; free from the fear of death and the pain of loss. Jesus’ first recorded worshippers were not of the beautiful class. They were poor, most-likely ugly shepherds; beat down by life and labor. They had been looked down on over many a nose.

Jesus came for those who look in the mirror and see ugliness. Jesus came for daughters whose fathers never told them they were beautiful. Christmas is for those who go to "wing night" alone. Christmas is for those whose lives have been wrecked by cancer and the thought of another Christmas seems like an impossible dream. Christmas is for those who would be nothing but lonely if not for social media. Christmas is for those whose marriages have careened against the retaining wall and are threatening to flip over the edge. Christmas is for the son, whose father keeps giving him hunting gear when the son wants art materials. Christmas is for smokers who cannot quit even in the face of a death sentence. Christmas is for whores, adulterers and porn stars who long for love in every wrong place. Christmas is for college students who are sitting in the midst of family and already cannot wait to get out for another drink. Christmas is for those who traffic in failed dreams. Christmas is for those who have squandered the family name and fortune – they want ‘home’ but cannot imagine a gracious reception. Christmas is for parents watching their children’s marriage fall into disarray.

Christmas is really about the gospel of grace for those who need it. Because of all that Christ has done on the cross, the manger becomes the most hopeful place in a Universe darkened with hopelessness. In the irony of all ironies, Christmas is for those who will find it the hardest to enjoy. It really is for those who hate it the most.

(Art: Blue Christmas Candle from Stushie's Art)

Tuesday's 10: What I Love About Christmas

2011-11-29T06:36:00.001-06:00

There are a lot of reasons to like Christmas. Especially if you are still young like me. I can't list them all on a Tuesday without the risk of ripping a hole in the atmosphere. If I do that Christmas might get cancelled and then I will not get the rocket launcher and jet pack I asked for. So here are just 10 awesomer then awesome things about Christmas.

1. Driving around town looking at lights. We will do this a number of times and yell "Christmas Lights" every time we see some...even if they look like street lights.

2. Not listening to Mariah Carey Christmas music. Sometimes I do this with hot chocolate.

3. Eating those weenies slow cooked in BBQ sauce in a crock pot someone usually brings to the Christmas party. I love you, whoever you are.

4. Buying my wife gifts and spending more money than allowed. I get this from my Dad.

5. Not listening to Christmas songs by Wham. Easy and fun!

6. Watching my kids open presents. Finally we can play with the toys which have been sitting in the top of my wife's closet for weeks.

7. Sitting by the tree with the iPad. This is a very important new tradition which requires we put other parts of our life on hold.

8. Explaining to our kids that Christmas does not equal snow. This is tricky now because last year for the first time ever it snowed on Christmas day.

9. Opening presents. We youngsters still enjoy it.

10. Singing Ox and Ass in church. I'll never grow out of enjoying this. Great lesson on context.

Tomorrow's Random Thoughts Today

2011-11-23T06:57:00.001-06:00

Welcome to Echoes and Stars, where you can read tomorrow's Random Thoughts a day early. Where else can you do this? Nowhere, I tell you. Besides, tomorrow you'll be watching the parade and football games and eating Turkey and adjusting your waistband and all. You won't say it to my face, but you just won't have time for me and my little blog. Matt Lauer wins out in these situations every single time.

So here they are, dripping with gravy and injected with cajun seasoning...

1. I don't trust people who like CSI:Miami.

2. All I want for Christmas is internet service.

3. Every time I think about something I'd like my iPad to do, I find an app to do it. Except when I wanted a sandwich the other day and it just sat there.

4. Took kids to the mall the other night. That'll never happen again.

5. I don't appreciate the way some people have boxed in Velvetta by using it only for cheese dip.

6. Looking forward to lots of triptophan. Tryptophan?

7. I'm very thankful for the Department of Homeland Security for wanting to keep us safe from those who would seek to do us harm. You know...dead turkeys.

8. Usually at Christmas I think about the things I want. But this year I'm all about things I need, like iTunes gift cards. Wrapped in bacon.

9. Facebook: A place where you can expound upon your just established opinion on subjects many have spent years studying.

10. Reading Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire in a strange format called "book"...it's hard to hold and the "pages" keep wanting to turn.

Tuesday's 10: Reasons for Thanks

2011-11-22T07:07:00.001-06:00

We all have these parts of our lives we ought to be thankful for but often overlook. They are specific to us and we are tempted to call them "small" even though their peculiar shine glows for us on dark days. Every single one is an echo of light from a brighter Star. Today I'll list ten.

1. The large windows in our den looking northward from the top of Shades Mountain. I'm enjoying them now as I do every morning. Many have to vacation to enjoy something like this.

2. My wife working on a meal. Her enjoyment of cooking and my enjoyment of what she cooks is a matrix of awesome.

3. We live in the same town with almost all of our immediate family. We were away for almost 10 years.

4. It's cool to talk bad about Facebook. But I love watching the progress in life of my former students. Some are getting married, having babies and some are in Seminary. It's a beautiful thing.

5. I've listened to the piano intro of Backstreets by Springsteen at least 1000 times. And it never ceases to take me into a story full of youthful hope and the challenge of reality.

6. Toys strewn throughout the house. One day this will not happen and I'll be very sad.

7. My pipe. It cost 7 dollars at an antique store in downtown Wichita, KS. But it helps me think and takes me outside into worlds of impossibilities and unfinished dreams.

8. Words. This may seem strange to some. But I play with them in my head all day. And sit at a computer screen and edit what is in front of me without even thinking about it.

9. Billie Holiday. My love for her is well-documented here. Her voice is like drinking down warmth in the still of a cool star-filled night. Desert island stuff.

10. Our friends. There are a lot of lonely people out there. We couldn't be even if we wanted to. Our lives are full with them.

A Pastor No Longer

2011-11-21T07:13:00.001-06:00

I suppose it is understandable for a young man interested in nearly everything to pursue vocational ministry. Serving God - who made it all - as a Pastor is an understandable vocation for one who would spend his days tracing all the streams back to the fountain.

But now I'm no longer spending my days doing this.

At least I don't get paid to. A couple of months ago I resigned from my position as an Associate Pastor.

Yesterday was my last day as one.

As excited as we are about this next chapter in our story, it's a bit surreal. All the contradictory emotions are present. Relief and anxiety. Freedom and constriction. Power and fear. All of it melding together in a way that will most likely only be understandable in hindsight. The emotions of a new vocation. The stress of different expectations. The relief in being able to provide for my family. The freedom from the expectations. All the frustrations of the past. The hope for the future.

It's all present. No regrets, of course. Just a season of moving from one kind of life to another. On the contrary, for all this to happen around Thanksgiving is appropriate. We are thankful to be dealing with all of this in our hometown, surrounded by family and friends. We are thankful for my new job. Thankful for our time at BLC. We are thankful we can now attend the church where Bethany and I met and discovered grace. Thankful for our kids, our home. And we are thankful for promises from this God who has made it all possible and good. And we plan on spending our days tracing it all back to him.

Even though I I don't get paid to do it any longer.

Bonus Random Thoughts

2011-11-18T07:39:00.001-06:00

1. Was working on article for today but got tired so you get these instead. Sorry.

2. My kids love their teachers. What the heck is wrong with them?

3. Reading bio of Steve Jobs. He was a megalomaniac. But he gave us the iPad so I still love him.

4. I've never taken drugs and therefore never felt the euphoria or enlightenment you supposedly can get. But it's the only comparison I can think of when trying to explain the experience of listening to Billie Holiday.

5. Saw X-Men: First Class. I was underwhelmed to be honest but surprised to see Kevin Bacon playing the.......ummmmm, bacon.

6. In an effort to try and and empathize with the OWS protestors I wore the same pants two days in a row. And now I find myself upset about everything from the cancellation of New Coke to the lack of men's size Bobba Fett pajamas.

7. I still want a peaceful soul. And I just kinda assume the path meanders much like the curves and contours of Louis Armstrong's trumpet.

8. Read a thanksgiving report of one of Emma's classmates tonight at her Open House. In it she she said she was thankful for her best friend Emma. I almost cried like a little schoolgirl.

9. I bet customers would never get upset with me if I talked like Liam Neeson.

10. Gonna go ahead and put aside - so they'll stay clean - that special pair of pants for Thanksgiving day.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-11-17T06:36:00.001-06:00

1. The great problem with comic books and the movie counterparts are the bad guys are always awesomer.

2. Liberals don't really care about the poor. Solyndra is exhibit A. And if you don't know what's going on with Solyndra, that's exhibit B.

3. Billy Holiday and Lester Young.

4. Got this thing called an iPad. It's awesome.

5. All I want for Christmas is to not hear any Mariah Carey Christmas songs.

6. I can't count very well. Gets in the way of banking.

7. I live The King's Speech ever single day. Gets in the way of saying "hello".

8. Looking forward to dinner with some some couples on Saturday...mainly because I'll probably get to finish my friend's wife's leftovers. The company will be awesome too but Missy is prone to order the Spicy Beef Salad.

9. Usually if I'm in bad mood I can just think about Carlton dancing and my mood gets better.

10. Emma: "Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sins....which are kinda like the forces of evil."

Easier But Not Fuller

2011-11-16T06:35:00.001-06:00

Sitting in church this Sunday I noticed something. From where I sit each week you can see a good deal of the crowd on the opposite side of the auditorium. And when people walk in, you notice them. So this family walks in. Mom. Dad. Two kids. Just two kids. An older girl, maybe 10 and a younger boy, around 5. Good looking family. Mom walked in with the daughter and son was guided to his seat by his dad.

My wife and I call this "man-to-man" parenting. For each child there is a parent. And as far as keeping up with them in the store and keeping them still in church - all things being equal - it's easier.

We've actually experienced this even though we have three children. One will be elsewhere and we will only have two to keep up with. Knowing how it is with three, two seems so much easier.

So I looked at this family and I thought, "Two kids to get ready in the morning, ahhhh, sounds nice and easy."

But then it hit me, "Easier but not fuller."

I can't even think about the face of our third without realizing this.

Now don't jump to conclusions here. The number of kids is not really the issue here. Even a family with one could say the same and it be just as meaningful. No less so than me or the family with six.

The reality is even bigger than children - easier is not necessarily the best of all possible scenarios. This is true for parenting and work and money and life in general. Though all the world is always clamoring for ease - and sometimes rightly so - those who sit in the shadow cast by the cross should get this. Ironically it should be easy to see.

It's true; the ease with which we can do so much is a result of The Kingdom pushing into the kingdoms of this world. But we need to wrap our heads and hearts around the fact we've been born through much difficulty. Precious blood was spilled so we could be children of God.

My temptation is to look across the crowds and envy others. Why do I envy them? Because they seem to have it easier. But then I remember my family. My home. My friends. All God has given me.

And then I can say, "Easier but not fuller."

Tuesday's 10: Sandwiches I Wish I Was Eating

2011-11-15T07:40:00.001-06:00

Yesterday's post was heavy. Let's talk of something lighter today. Something near and dear to my heart.

The sandwich.

I love sandwiches and hardly ever tire of them. Following are 10 sandwiches I enjoy. Feel free to add your favorites in the comments or on Facebook. Apologies to all the awesome sandwiches I do not mention.

1. The Reuben. Easily one of my favorites. Reuben's come many ways but I'm a fan of rye bread, thin sliced corn beef, Swiss cheese, thousand island and sauerkraut. My favorite is the one I make and eat at home. The best I ever had was in STL at McGurk's.

2. The Cuban. So simple...simply awesome, that is. Ham, pork, Swiss cheese, pickles and mustard. Had a killer one recently at a mexican place here in Birmingham.

3. Pork Sandwich. You know how rice is a staple for our friends in the East? Bar-B-Q is a staple for the Redmonds. And the pork sandwich is high culinary art in my own subculture. We walk by it in reverence the way you might walk by the Mona Lisa.

4. The Cheeseburger. Does this count? I'm not sure I care. If celebrating the cheeseburger as a sandwich is wrong I don't wanna be right. Around these parts, Mugshots makes burgers that makes one wonder if the recipe is from God himself.

5. Grilled Peanut Butter and Cheese. I've been eating this since I was a kid. My brothers introduced me to this wunderkind between two slices. I know what you're thinking...but you do eat those crackers...

6. The Spicy Chicken Sandwich. Let's not even pretend there is another one able to compete with Chick-fil-a. It's awesome. And perfect. And one of God's greatest gifts to sinners.

7. The Gyro. Is this a sandwich or wrap. Not sure. I'm craving one though.

8. Philly Cheese Steak. We once had a real Philly Cheese Steak place here in town. But it closed. I hope the owner had really good reason to break my heart like that. But let's face it, a bad cheese steak sandwich is still mightily awesome.

9. The BLT. It has bacon. 'nuff said.

10. The Hot Dog. Not sure this is a sandwich. But it's on a bun...or in one, anyway. I love hot dogs with a fervent, relentless passion. Do I want to marry them? Maybe. If they have are covered in cheese and mustard and hot sauce and relish.

Honorable Mention: PBJ. My friend Sean eats 'em for lunch all the time. I eat them instead of dessert sometimes. And they are amazing grilled.

Fear and Loathing and Penn State

2011-11-14T06:33:00.001-06:00

There isn't a whole lot to be said about what is happening at Penn state which hasn't already been said. But in a story in which all that went unsaid issued in such a tragedy, the need to say something is inescapable.

My first reaction was as a kid. Yeah, a kid. Not as a parent or pastor. But as a kid looking up into an incomprehensible world which is only navigated by the charts of the night sky held by those who have gone before you. By those who hold all the power and influence over all you know and can possibly understand. My own frigate was steered by loving parents and a protective family. But I can only imagine the fear and confusion of those kids who stand in the shadows of heroes who have driven them into dark waters and then run them aground.

I mean, who the hell do you trust in such a wide dark world? Where the unknown fathoms of the drowning deep meet the wide reaches of the limitless ceiling of the night as far as can be seen?

Such confusion was quickly overtaken by the anger of a parent. A parent who would harbor murderous imaginations toward anyone who even thought such things about his own kids. A parent who has no illusions about the ease of forgiveness.

And against the dark backdrop of concern for a football team, anger on behalf of a child flames like the brightness of one thousand suns.

God couldn't forgive till the cross happened. Let's get rid of our Pollyanna saccharine spirituality that imagines forgiveness is a straight between two closely juxtaposed points. Real forgiveness is the work of a lifetime and it's a lot harder than football. Anger and forgiveness may be strange bedfellows but outside of subpar Christian fiction books, the reality is they abide comfortably.

Though my time as a pastor is waning, I did think like one. But not as one who would shame those who cry out for justice but as one who looks out over a culture burned-over with cynicism and the inability to be shocked. As one who has looked into the eyes of abuse victims and prayed with them.

Maybe we do need to remember our sin in all this - there but for the grace of God... But that may not be the sermon we need first. First, we need sermons chock full of the cross-anchored promises of every tear being wiped away and all the crooked paths being made straight. After reading of such brutality and ferocious savagery I need - wait...I am longing for a picture, a vision of unimaginable beauty. One full of the reality of which every truly loving touch is but an echo reverberating against the longings of every human heart. I wanna hear that all the reasons for anger will be no more.

Every event is a volume of sermons for those who are listening. But some sermons need to proceed others. Outrage is necessary. But other chapters must follow with our own guilt splashed upon the page. We may not have abused a child. We may not have stood by while one was being abused. But we are guilty. We have as much need for the cross as the vilest offender. It sucks to admit. But it's true.

If we get this backwards, there will be no wrongs righted. But if we get it right, the cross is given it's due in our own history and the history of everything else. The cross holding all of our anger in the periphery of its crosshairs. The cross greasing the wheels of forgiveness. The cross reminding us of what and Who is before us.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-11-10T06:56:00.001-06:00

1. Who thought up "boogie man " as synonymous for something scary?

2. I know you don't think I'm a "gamer" but my win/loss ratio on spider solitaire says otherwise.

3. Watched The Dark Knight again last night. So unrealistic. Bank vaults don't look like that.

4. If I had made fun of of the Occupy Denver protestors by saying they will most likely elect a dog as their leader, someone would have thought me unkind. And then they go and do it.

5. How come there are not more shows about Ninjas? With throwing stars?

6. Dear Joe Paterno, Thank you for making it easier for a pedophile to molest young boys but also fanning the flames of cynicism in a burned-over culture.

7. Tired of waiting on new Batman movie. And shows with ninjas.

8. Hermain Cain is proof positive liberals do not really care about diversity. They only wield it as a weapon against those they would have power over.

9. Every time I read/hear "Herman Cain" I get really hungry for pizza.

10. I apologize for no references to bacon or Star Wars in this edition of TRT.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-11-03T07:51:00.003-05:00

1. After downloading Flipboard for iPad I may never communicate with my family again.

2. My only demand for #OWS is moving Monday Night Football to any other station besides ESPN.

3. All I want for Christmas is for my kids to like Springsteen.

4. My kids now no longer want to play with the ipod or the itouch, they only have eyes for one gadget.

5. I know I'm going to take some heat for this but I'm going to cast my lot into the idea that the OWS protestors are more violent and racist than The Tea Party. There, I said it.

6. I may like Star Wars references more than the actual movies.

7. Had a customer tell me she loved me yesterday. Don't worry, I told my wife. She is OK with my awesome customer service skills coupled with natural animal magnetism.

8. Owned an iPad for a week now. Can't imagine how I was able to survive without it.

9. I may like the turkey sandwiches with cranberry sauce after Thanksgiving more than the actual meal.

10. I assume a higher quality of life without the NBA.

A Pastor Goes Looking for Humiliation: Part 2

2011-11-02T07:33:00.001-05:00

While staring at my feet - which by the way were fixed in scuffed up black wing-tips - it hit me again. Maybe not as heavily as before but there was weight nonetheless.

I'm starting over.

I was sitting in a nondescript room used for training. Eighteen of us sat wrapped around a horseshoe set of mitred tables. Most were much younger than myself. And for the most part they nodded as if they understood.

The scuff marks on my well-worn shoes had my own eyes running over them again and again. Their age and wear an echo of my own. Are shoes only as old as they feel?

But then something happened.

I embraced the difficulty and confusion. I still want a peaceful soul and this seemed to be the only path heading in the direction. So I embraced feeling foolish and ignorant and weak. All of it. I owned it. No faking it.

And it felt great really. This should make sense to those who worship the God who is strong for the weak. Even if hard to breathe life into.

The temptation in every situation is to be strong. Doesn't matter who you are or what you do. We want to be competent, be seen as able and celebrated for our ability. Being singled out as clueless in the room is to spend time in the valley of the shadow of death. And the fear of this happening may be worse.

For some reason we celebrate humility but have no room for humiliation. I'm not suggesting we should pursue it so much as make room room for it. Make space for even the things we naturally want to avoid. A woman may avoid a broken heart by never loving. I could avoid humiliation by doing something more immediately and obviously suited to my gifts.

What gets in the way of a peaceful soul and embracing the humiliation is my own desire for immediate satisfaction and significance. I'm OK with the cross as long as the crown is simultaneous.

This should sound familiar.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Tuesday's 10: Random Thoughts

2011-11-01T07:44:00.001-05:00

In an effort to keep you, my brilliant readers on your toes, today's 10 will be random thoughts. The pessimists will feel cheated. The optimists get two for the price of the one and everyone else misses out.

1. I'm using a third party iPad to do this, if it doesn't work I'll be blaming Wall Street.

2. Nothing scarier than the thought of having to watch CSI:Miami.

3. Got an iPad on Thursday and finally looked up yesterday.

4. Every discussion about illegal immigration should begin with the fact that laws involving boundaries have been disregarded. We all need to think long and hard about that.

5. For my birthday, my wife made me chocolate-covered bacon and pralines with bacon and I fell in love with her all over again.

6. Educational cartoons are the worst. I assume a causation.

7. I am experiencing what the experts call "post birthdayweek blues" and I am looking into medication.

8. Tried to write down all the unwritten rules and poof!!! they disappeared.

9. "What is the meaning of life?" has been replaced by "Why would anyone willingly choose to not use a Mac?

10. All I want for Christmas is a jet pack.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Random Thoughts

2011-10-28T07:40:00.001-05:00

Got an iPad. Now I just need internet service that works.

I'd like to thank my family members who contributed to the purchase of the iPad. If I do something awesome with it, I'll give them some credit. And I'll blame them if I ignore my kids and wife.

Gained 2 pounds on birthdayweek. And it ain't over.

Because people know I have an affection for bacon, I've gotten a few bacon-themed gifts. Y'all do know I like one-hundred dollar bills, right?

Only those who have recieved an iPhone or an iPad as a gift can understand how Harry potter felt when he opened his Nimbus Two Thousand.

I may or may not be considering downloading a graphic novel to read on my iPad.

#Occupymugshotsgrillandbar

I need to stop celebrating my birthday so I can play with my new toy.

Did I mention I got a new iPad 2?

Random Thoughts

2011-10-26T07:46:00.001-05:00

Birthdayweek is going pretty well. Still waiting for fireworks, red carpet and tributes from Hollywood stars.

I didn't dream about my job last night but I did dream about Steve Jobs for some reason.

Last night we had wings for dinner as part of the celebration of my birthdayweek and then before going to bed my wife said she really enjoyed them and then I fell in love all over again.

Truth will out.

To cap off my birthday, the wife and I will drive north to tour the only Frank Lloyd Wright house in Alabama. I'm afraid to tell my brothers this.

Today is my last day in the 30's. I hope this makes all of you feel old.

I get excited about being in my hometown the same others get excited about being in someone else's.

Doctors want you to rest so you can get better...unless you are in the hospital where they wake you up every couple of hours.

Last night I was working through some suggestions from my Editor on the book and I thought, "Wow, that's pretty good...I really wrote that?"

Tuesday's 10: Hopes for the Next 40

2011-10-25T07:07:00.000-05:00

As we creep ever closer to my 40th I thought about doing 10 regrets. But that just seemed depressing and I couldn't come up with that many anyway. So let's look forward, shall we?

The following are 10 hopes for the next 40:

1. To love my wife the way my Dad loves my mom. To hurt because something hurts her and not simply because it gets in the way. To hang on tight till the end of our days here and we move on ahead.

2. To not have my feelings numbed by the shear weight of years stacked upon years. To laugh easily and be moved by beauty and ugliness.

3. To never grow out of the joy of having the windows down and the music up. To still enjoy the moment and take the long way home.

4. To be a better friend. To fight against the natural desire to be insular and tertiary to other people's lives. And vice versa.

5. To be comfortable in this aging skin. Getting upset about getting old is as foolish as wishing grass wasn't green. I want to look in the mirror and smile merely because I'm there.

6. To keep pressing against the tide of unknowing. My memory has finished it's continual unabated waxing and now often wanes. But I don't wanna forget how it feels to hold the relatively new hands of my beautiful kids.

7. I want to still get the chills when "Backstreets" streams out of my speakers. I want to be moved by "Carrickfergus" and "What A Little Moonlight Can Do".

8. I want to learn how read the Bible as a worshipper and not a teacher or preacher. I want to use a diving board and dive in and relish the submersion. I don't want to use it as a springboard.

9. To be less insecure about who I am. Justification should be the death knell for this but often it is just not so. Being less insecure would mean less reaction and more laughter.

10. To never tire of being stunned by the night sky. To not stop stopping and looking up. Taking the time to be dazzled by all those things which shine large and bright.

40 for 40

2011-10-24T07:40:00.001-05:00

I turn 40 this week...hard for me to believe also. So I thought I'd start by giving you 40 fun facts about me and my life. After all it's my birthday-week, so if it's gonna be all about me, I might as well have fun with it...

1. I've probably had more jobs than 5 of you combined. From shipping baby announcements to engraving pens, I've done it.

2. Though I've never broken a bone, I've had back surgery.

3. My first car was a '79 vette. Chevette. With no reverse.

4. I hated everyday of high school.

5. Sentences starting with an H are hard for me to get out because of my stuttering.

6. My earliest memory involves a sport I don't really care for - basketball.

7. I've only shot a real gun once. Out of the 8 rounds I hit the skeet 7 times.

8. Starting in about 4th grade, I made terrible grades in school but I always tested well.

9. I don't remember any of the Hebrew I learned in seminary even though I made pretty good grades in my classes.

10. I prefer cold weather to warm.

11. I've fought insecurity about every facet of my life since I can remember.

12. I get choked up very, very easily while watching a movie or TV show and resist watching movies I know are designed to do this.

13. When we moved form Birmingham in 2000, I was ready to leave. Now that we are back, I never want to.

14. A great evening is sitting out in the cool of the night and listening to Billie Holiday.

15. I wish I was more of a neat freak.

16. Sometimes my mind shifts from contemplative to lazy without me knowing it.

17. I eat peanut butter and cheese sandwiches every now and then.

18. I question the judgment of those who like CSI:Miami.

19. The only other country I've been to is Canada.

20. I read a lot of the same books over and over.

21. I prefer a good burger over steak.

22. Flying is not a favorite. Landing is good though.

23. I was mountains over beach till this last family trip down to the 30A.

24. Even if I could afford it, I wouldn't do much shopping at Whole Foods.

25. I've seen It's a Wonderful Life about 100 times.

26. Every day I look forward to getting in bed and reading.

27. I worry about my kids more than I should.

28. I've never voted for a Democrat.

29. Barbecue pork is a staple.

30. When my son says he doesn't want to go to school, I agree with him on the inside while telling him he will have fun.

31. I have a book deal.

32. I named my son after Bob Dylan because my wife would not go for Van Morrison.

33. I have an arch enemy.

34. Coming up with these 40 is hard. And that is a little depressing.

35. My favorite book of the Bible is Romans.

36. Books about art theft are a favorite.

37. I can't sleep without a fan humming in the room.

38. I'd rather be with my wife while doing something boring than be without her doing something interesting.

39. I worry about publicly failing at my new job.

40. I'm pretty much always hungry.

Random Thoughts

2011-10-23T09:36:00.000-05:00

Protesters are the ultimate fundamentalists. Their modus operandi is to effect change merely by telling people what to do while never seeing their own guilt.

Started birthday week off with bacon this morning. Seemed only right.

When I heard about some Senators working to take care of the problem of people selling fake maple syrup, my first thought was - finally.

For my birthday I asked for a rocket-launcher, an iPad 2 and enough money for people to want to protest outside my house because of it.

Weekends are now very. very precious. Not because I'm not working but because of the reason why I work.

Random Thoughts

2011-10-21T07:56:00.001-05:00

1. Next week is my birthday week. So all blog posts will be allllll about me. So nothing will change, take comfort in that, my readers.

2. A protest I could get behind is for better Groupons.

3. Starting to feel more confident in my job. That is until I assume I must be doing something wrong. Then I go back to questioning everything.

4. My dad is in the hospital. Everything is colored by that fact.

5. Have I mentioned how much I love Antiques Roadshow? Don't tell anyone though. I got a rep to uphold.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-10-20T07:27:00.001-05:00

1. Saw a Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar at Target. That is all.

2. Read about a new Bob Dylan tribute album. Isn't every album one of those?

3. Wait, weren't the OWS protestors against Nazis? At least before they were allied with them?

4. All I've wanted to listen to for more than a week is Springsteen. And Billie Holiday, I always want to listen to Lady Day.

5. Did you hear about all those wild animals being released in Ohio? Just another OWS protest, I assume.

6. I think facebook needs more sentimental posts.

7. You know I actually sympathize with some of those protestors. I'd be mad if someone stole my Macbook Pro also.

8. Actually, I've wanted to listen to bacon sizzle as well as Springsteen.

9. I'm tired of hippies, the lack of bacon in this world and Old Spice commercials. There, I said it.

10. 40th Birthday coming up. Visions of iPads are dancing in my head.

Bonus Thoughts:

11. Dear Guy from Maroon 5 who profanely called Fox News evil,

Allow me to introduce you to the Dixie Chicks.

Lovingly, Matt

12. I don't understand facebook anymore.

13. I'm looking forward to that day when I can walk into work and know what I'm doing. So until 2013, I'll just keep learning.

14. The word "iPad" is not in my mac's dictionary. Evil plot orchestrated by Google Chrome?

15. Waiting for a presidential candidate who will promise jet-packs and rocket-launchers for every man woman and child.

Light Blogging This Week

2011-10-16T21:27:00.001-05:00

I'm having to do this on my phone because my Internet is so bad I can't stay online for more than a few minutes. And that's if I even get on line.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-10-13T07:12:00.001-05:00

1. I have had no bacon this week. Feelin' it too.

2. Breaking news: Auburn once again proven to have not violated recruiting policy. In I'm sure totally unrelated news, a few thousand Bama fans wearing 1976 national championship trucker hats simultaneously got indigestion.

3. Helped a customer by myself finally. Thinkin' about askin' for a promotion.

4. If I thought even just a small fraction of the OWS protesters cared about the "Fast and Furious" investigation I would think about taking them seriously.

5. Thought I was getting used to shaving every morning and then realized that'll never happen.

6. Dreamed about banking regulations last night. You?

7. When I was a little kid this girl I knew wore an annoying shirt that said, "Anything a boy can do, a girl can do better." As I approach 40 most of my favorite authors and singers are women. And my favorite person is too. Maybe she was right after all.

8. I would like to start a new trend of serving Buffalo wings for dessert.

9. If you've never listened to "Backstreets" by Springsteen as loud as you can while driving through the Birmingham night air, you are missing out.

10. Sign at gas station in my neighborhood: "Boiled Peanuts and Fine Wines." I love this place called home.

A Pastor Goes Looking for Humiliation

2011-10-12T07:39:00.002-05:00

I couldn't even get a job a Target.

Back about six months ago when Bethany and I started talking about me looking for a job outside of pastoral ministry, I was optimistic. After all, I had a master's degree. I have some facility with about five languages outside of English. I have a book deal. I have prior experience in a number of fields. My learning had depth and breadth. So I was optimistic about the job search. Turns out, unduly so.

The only responses I got from my inquiries and submitted resumés were rejections. Over and over and over. Often just silence. My over-confidence was careening against the stone-cold immovable reality of a stagnant economy having little use for what I knew and had done.

Every now and again there were reasons for optimism. A lead here. A promised good word there. But the positive feelings would wane faster than they waxed. And I would be back on job sites broadening my search again.

About four and half months in and up to my chin in rising despair, I got an email from Target telling me I had not been chosen for a job. I was sure I would be miserable but knew the pay would feed us. I thought that with a little luck, I might get to oversee the music and books section or frozen foods. I was obviously more desperate than they were. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing inherently wrong with such a job. I just knew I would be miserable. But I also knew I needed something.

I didn't tell Bethany about this. You see, the plan was to wait till the end of August and then panic and send my resumé to retail places like Target. Just to do what we have to do. But I got that email about 10 days before the deadline.

A few days before I was at a concert and ran into an old friend. We had worked together before I went to Seminary and had even graduated from Bible College. He and his wife were part of Bethany and I's history. Anyway, as we talked before the show I told him about my job search, he offered to help me out. He had the kind of job that might actually make something happen.

I think it was just a couple of days later that I sent his wife a message on facebook and asked for his email. Within a few hours we had planned lunch in a couple of days. That lunch was one part interview and one part reunion. Fifteen minutes after lunch, I was interviewing with someone else. An hour later I was communicating with HR.

I had a job a week later.

There is another layer in this story I need to share. With every week of looking I was growing further down into the soft soil of humiliation. There grows wild thoughts and poisonous regrets. But also can be found there fragrant recognitions of need. So I let go. I let go of my resumé and all the attendant demands and beliefs of what is due.

I literally wrote God and said, "I obviously will not get a job on what I have done. Will you help me in the same way you have me so many times before? With mercy?" That was the morning of the concert and the "chance" encounter with an old friend, who would show me extraordinary kindness.

Fast forward to this day – the day I write this. Today was a humiliating day. It was my first day post-training. I had to ask everyone a dozen questions because of how little I know and understand. I had to ask customers over and over to hold on while I got help. The air felt thick with embarrassment and my heart beat to rhythms of humiliation.

But as I've sat here thinking about it, I'm ready for it in a way I could never have been before. And to know God has been going before me in this time of humiliation is comforting. Painful, yes. But comforting all the same.

Tuesday's 10: Thoughts About The Occupy Wall Street Protestors

2011-10-11T06:45:00.000-05:00

I have more thoughts than these but well it's Tuesday, so I am limited to only ten.

1. Free Market Capitalism with lower taxes for everyone is social justice.

2. "People before profits" was most likely the mission statement of Solyndra. And you the people footed the bill.

3. Funny how those who want to redistribute income and not pay their bills are not being accused of greed.

4. Every really good pizza place cares about profits. Do you need another argument about the goodness of profit?

5. You think capitalism is bad, huh? You got an alternative? Monarchy? Socialism? Communism? Anarchy?

6. I would take seriously the concerns about corporations being in bed with politicians if I wasn't so concerned the alternative would be for politicians to be enemies of corporations.

7. If my boss is not driven by profit to some degree, I don't have a job and my family doesn't eat. I consider my family to be "people" strangely enough.

8. Isn't universal free healthcare an example of politicians being in bed with corporations?

9. Wait a second..."Free Bacon For All!!!"

10. I don't like it when people try to turn the church into a business. And vice versa.

Linkage

2011-10-07T07:28:00.000-05:00

1. Why Spicy Foods Make Your Nose Run

2. Ten Ways Steve Jobs Changed the World

3. What Do the "Occupy Wall Street" Protestors Want? Affordable Broccoli.

4. 10 Ways Steve Jobs Changed the World

5. Fran Tarkenton Wonders What the NFL Would Be Like If It Had Teacher's Rules

6. English Country House Libraries

7. "First We Ought To Kill Them and Eat Them"

8. Reason # 758,395,783,983,729,380,357,308,972 I am not a Democrat and why you shouldn't either.

9. Steve Jobs' Model for Business

10. A Lutheran Perspective On the Death of Steve Jobs

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-10-06T07:41:00.000-05:00

1. My first generation iPhone still works.

2. Going to see Patty Griffin this Friday. Not sure if you knew that.

3.Ummm, if you think those protestors are right about Wall Street, can I have all the stuff you own because of rich Wall Street bankers? You should probably get rid of your stuff. Thanks.

4. My first ipod had 64 GB. My first computer had about 500 MB and it was only 5 years older.

5. When my wife goes into the kitchen to cook some kind of magic happens and life becomes more awesome.

6. Last night I was retweeted by Dale Murphy, a childhood hero. No big deal, I will never wash my Twitter stream again.

7. Some pastor will will probably tweet something from his iPhone about idol worship and Steve Jobs.

8. I wonder if bacon thinks I'm awesome too.

9. If you would have told me a couple of months ago I would know what I know now about banking and the world of finance, I would have laughed in your face.

10. God, Family, Meat, Country.

Buying 1000 Kisses

2011-10-05T06:34:00.000-05:00

(It's Patty Griffin week. She will be in concert at the Alys Stephens Center this Friday.)

A couple years after purchasing Patty Griffin's first album, a new one was released.

It was friday night and I had a softball game. We only had one car in Seminary so I picked Bethany up from work and we went to a place called Crazy Bowls and Wraps for the first time. Next to it was a music store local to St. Louis. After eating we went over there to kill some time before I had to turn double plays at Short and then hit home runs.

And that is when I saw 1000 Kisses. We had been listening to lot of peers lately - Emmylou Harris, Lucinda Williams, Alison Krauss, Gilian Welch - so we picked it up, paid for it and got in the car. From the first song - "Rain" - we were hooked.

I can remember sitting in our Honda Accord listening to her sing and being moved by the power of her voice. I can remember being anxious to hear more after the game. And I can remember listening to that album so often we had to make the decision to listen to something else for awhile.

A few months later I acted as the head of her street team to get the word out about her show in St. Louis. She played almost the whole album that night.

It's a flawless album. Below is the first tune that filled our car on that friday night nine years ago.

Tuesday's 10: Some Favorite Songs By Patty Griffin

2011-10-04T06:48:00.001-05:00

It's Patty Griffin Week all week at Echoes and Stars. If you don't like Patty's music you might want to come back next week... actually we can't be friends so don't come back at all.

Just kidding.

She will be in concert here in the Magic City this Friday at the Alys Stephens Center. But some of you may not know her music. Well, here are 10 songs to get you started. In no particular order...

1. Truth #2. From the unreleased album Silver Bell, it's perhaps my favorite and one I can listen to over and over and over.

2. Blue Sky. A perfect song for driving fast under cobalt-blue skies with the sunroof open and the windows down. Favorite line? "Be my singing lesson/Be my song."

3. Stolen Car. A Springsteen cover that may haunt you for days.

4. Every Little Bit. Third song, first album. Patty wails on this one and it's a heartbreaking tune. The line "It's funny how a morning turns a love to shame" blew me away the first time I heard it. And when she sings at the top of your lungs, "I am sold by a lie" you will feel down to your soul.

5. When It Don't Come Easy. One of those slow burners meant to be listened to under the night sky.

6. Be Careful. I could write a whole on this one. With all the female singers now singing tough songs full of revenge, as a father I want more of this. "Be careful how you bend me/Be careful where you send me/ Careful how you end me/Be careful with me."

7. No Bad News. The similarities between this one and Truth #2 are obvious. And that's why I love it.

8. Little Fire. One of the few songs she actually wrote on an album full of covers of gospel tinged blues and country. A gorgeous little song.

9. Long Ride Home. A song about just burying the person you shared a bed with for 40 years. I got chills right now just thinking about it.

10. Moses. First song, first album. "Diamonds, Roses/I need Moses/To cross this sea of loneliness/Part this red river of pain."

Patty Griffin Week: "I Hated Every Day of High School"

2011-10-03T06:38:00.001-05:00

I may have already told this story before but it may be worth telling again...

Not long after Bethany and I got married, I was driving home from work one day and stopped by one of local music stores. While looking around I saw a CD called "Live In the X-Lounge." Our local Progressive music station was called "The X" and this was an album of in studio performances by a number of artists who had come through town. I bought the album without thinking twice.

It was a great album and I wish I still had it. But there was one song that stood out enough for Bethany and I to drive around on a Sunday afternoon a couple of weeks later looking for an album by the artist of that song.

"Tony" by Patty Griffin was one of the most powerful songs I'd ever heard. And it still is. It's painful too. And I know of more than one person who has trouble listening to it. One look at the lyrics will explain why:

Does anyone remember Tony
A quiet boy, little overweight
He had breasts like a girl
When I wasn't too busy feeling lonely
I'd stare over his shoulder
At a map of the world

He always finished all his homework
Raised his hand in homeroom
He called the morning attendance
With the pledge allegience to the gloom

Hey Tony, what's so good about dying
I think I might do a little dying today
He looked in the mirror and saw
A little faggot starin' back at him
Pulled out a gun and blew himself away

I hated every day of high school
It's funny, I guess you did too
It's funny how I never knew
There I was sitting right behind you

They wrote it in the local rag
Death comes to the local fag
I guess you finally stopped believing
That any hope would ever find you
Well I know that story,I was sitting right behind you

Hey Tony, what's so good about dying
He said I think I might do a little dying today
He looked in the mirror and saw
A little faggot starin' back at him
Pulled out a gun and blew himself away

Hey Tony whats so good about dying, dying
Hey Tony whats so good about dying, dying

Hey Tony, what's so good about dying
He said I think I might do a little dying today
He looked in the mirror and saw
A little faggot starin' back at him
Pulled out a gun and blew himself away
Pulled out a gun and blew himself away
Pulled out a gun and blew himself awayTony...

I actually did hate every day of High School. And so I was lonely enough to get it. But I also dished it out and probably caused a great deal of loneliness in my insecurity. Like Patty I was so wrapped up in myself I never even noticed the loneliness around me.

It is no exaggeration to say this song had a profound effect on me. Not only have I not stopped listening to her music 12 years later but I'm not sure anything other thing, humanly speaking, had more of an effect on me going to into youth ministry. No matter where I went we, as a youth group, listened to this song and discussed it. In my wake I think I left a wake of not a few fans. And hopefully a little compassion for the lonely too.

Two versions of Tony below. The first is Live from the X-Lounge. The second is the studio version. Enjoy this painful and profound song.

Patty Griffin Week

2011-10-02T10:03:00.001-05:00

It's Patty Griffin Week at the Redmond house. Bethany and I will once again be seeing her in concert this coming Friday at the Alys Stephens Center here in Birmingham. All this week I'll be writing about her music and posting videos. I'll kick the week off with a grainy but gorgeous video of Patty singing one of her more definitive songs. Enjoy the heartbreak.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-09-29T06:37:00.001-05:00

1. Reality check for students and young adults: If you think the implications of making a decision about your major are too huge at such a young age, you should probably rethink that tattoo.

2. Can't we all just admit the idea and execution of the "digital signature" is bizarre? "No one types my name in Arial quite like me!"

3. I've been looking at suits online and enjoying it. I don't even know me anymore.

4. You like expensive coffee. I like expensive creamer.

5. I've been racking my brain for a couple days trying to think of one reason the modern day Democrat policy should not be called "socialism" in every detail. Other than the fact it's a negative term.

6. From now on my litmus test for friendship will be whether someone paid to see the robot boxing movie. If they did, they will be moved to the charity category.

7. Smoking meat this weekend. I may smoke my pipe and look really good also. You know, for the trifecta.

8. I should get a degree for all the information I've learned and been tested on in the last two and a half weeks.

9. I plan on overpowering customer's perceptions about my ignorance by dressing really well.

10. Just had a scary thought...we are out of bacon! But then I remembered I'm going out to lunch...an echo of salvation.

Tuesday's 10: Reasons to Read Jane Austen's Novels

2011-09-27T06:12:00.001-05:00

1. C. S. Lewis Loved Her Work. Listen, would you ask C.S. Lewis, the veteran of WWI for his man card because he loved Austen? I didn't think so. Do you think you know great literature from bad literature better than he?

2. She Was A Great Writer. Some say the greatest in the English language. Most of you guys couldn't write your way out of a wet paper bag. But Austen writes sentences that hang in the air like stars and hit your ears like echoes of all the truth you know but had forgotten. No one writes sentences like her.

3. She Is Funny. There are some incredibly funny characters and scenes throughout her works. Mr Collins is a prime example in Pride and Prejudice. But they are never funny like the easy picking of jokes issuing from the bedroom and the bathroom. They are funny because of they have the weight of truth.

4. She Knows Evil. Most of us need extreme obvious forms of evil to move us. But Jane Austen knew more than us in all our supposed wisdom of the world. She gave us the character of Crawford. You might need Hannibal Lecter. She gave us the subtle evil of one who would devour the heart of the innocent and make us all complicit.

5. Pictures of Kindness. When Darcy shows up unexpected at Pemberly and shows nothing but unexpected kindness to Lizzy and her Aunt and Uncle, I am moved every single time. Kindness is not hip. We defer so we can change the world.

6. Pictures of Manliness. Speaking of Darcy there is a reason his very name makes women swoon. And Knightly, the hero of Emma. Here are just two examples of steadfastness, kindness, humility, and virtue. Flawed? Sure. But worthy of our attention.

7. Contrition. Emma Woodhouse is one of my favorite characters. Her contrition and recognition of fault is a rare ideal in a world full of the confident and self-assured. I was so struck by her admissions of failure and the beauty of it, I named our first child, Emma, after her.

8. Seeing Things As They Really Are. Sense and Sensibility is a profound book. In my work as a youth pastor I have worked with hundreds of teenage girls. I have never known one single Elinor among them. Many of them are dearly loved still but every one a Marianne, with emotions at the helm of every moment. Austen saw the "Sensibility" movement for what it was. We have yet to see it as a culture mired in it.

9. Steadfast Love. The steadfast affection between Captain Wentworth and Ann in Persuasion is exceptional. We could learn a thing or two. We give up easily. We feign affection but as soon as inconveniences such as time or space get in the way, we move on to greener pastures. Or at least the blooming fields before us. We give up. We get bored. We divorce at will.

10. Just Love Stories? Some of you will dismiss her novels as mere love stories with a wave of the hand. Men, love stories are God's idea. The first story we have is one of love between a man and a woman. If you don't like love stories, you are nothing more than a fool. Ladies, if you have the choice, stay away from such. Real love between a man and woman may not always be exciting. But it is always worth a story.

The Fig Leaf of Pastoral Ministry: Part 4

2011-09-25T21:14:00.001-05:00

Part 1 is here
Part 2 is here
Part 3 is here

"...they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings."
— Genesis 3:7

Theologians and pastors are quick to point to the gospel in "seed" form in the Garden. God replaces the fig leaves Adam and Eve were wearing and supplied them with clothing.

I'm not all that sure our first parents were all that in tune to all the gospel implications of this act as we are. Don't get me wrong, it was good news all right. Animal rights folks not withstanding, everyone knows leather is going to be more comfortable than fig leaves.

But there are two things they had to have seen .

First, something had to die for their shame to be covered. They knew something was wrong and they tried to deal with it themselves. But it was insufficient. So God killed something and gave them the skins to cover up their nakedness. This is the first death in the Bible. I'm sure Adam and Eve noticed something died because of what they did.

Second, skin was used to cover skin. The shame manifested itself in the exposure of their own skin and being ashamed of it. The remedy given by God - the offended party, by the way - is more skin. The skin of a dead animal (Lion? Lamb?) was needed to cover their shame. Animals don't worry about covering their nakedness. They literally have no shame. Skin over skin. They had to have noticed this.

And here I am from 10,00 feet up on the other side of the cross and I had trouble seeing these things. As a pastor I could not see the death-ness involved. Not only does Christ have to die but we have to die to our belief the fig leaf is any good. And I could not see that my work as a pastor needed to be covered as a pastor. "What's so wrong with my fig leaf underwear?"

Most pastors can't see these things at some point. Not sure why. Maybe for the same reason everyone else can't see it. But we are pastors and we should see it. We trade in this info daily. And maybe because it's so much a commodity without being a security, we miss it's worth for ourselves. We become like investment experts who see the worth of a stock, tell others to buy high but pass on it ourselves.

Maybe.

To be continued...

The Fig Leaf of Pastoral Ministry: Part 3

2011-09-23T06:37:00.000-05:00

Part 1 is here
Part 2 is here

"...they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings."
— Genesis 3:7

I didn't resign from the ministry because it had become a fig leaf. I'm not sure any pastor does. But the net effect is the same. When the fig leaf is pulled away, shame creeps up from under your skin and reddens your face.

I've been asked where that fig leaf has gone for about two weeks now.

"Why are you no longer a pastor?"

And I instinctively feel the need to justify myself - this woman you gave me made me eat. Just saying something simple without any details feels like a death. And I'm beginning to think maybe it's supposed to.

I'll find another fig leaf somewhere. Maybe it will be excellence in banking. Being able to understand all the little details and addendums could be it. Maybe it will be family. Maybe it will be money (that would be nice.) Maybe it will be my resignation from the pastorate...not being a pastor. Being a former one.

Any one or collection of them will do.

When it happens, my hope is that I will have eyes to see my own foolish desire to cover my shame. And when I'm strutting around in it like I'm something, I wanna have ears to hear when the preacher points and says - he's only wearing a fig leaf!

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-09-22T06:08:00.000-05:00

1. Yesterday was either humbling or humiliating. Either one works.

2. I've had bacon everyday this week so far with no sign of letting up.

3. I don't think anyone *really* believes you can stimulate an economy by raising taxes on the rich. But jealousy is rarely logical.

4. I finished Brennan Manning's memoir but I am not sure it is finished with me.

5. Democrat is European for "I want you to hire me and pay me whatever I want but I don't care that you can't afford it because I've voted for you to be taxed into oblivion."

6. Samuel Adams.

7. I think what happens in corporate worship on Sunday is more important for the life and health of the church than we moderns can possibly know.

8. Billie Holiday's last album.

9. As an adult I've never been a big fan of the beach. But ever since we went as a family this past summer, I can feel the pull to go back as soon as we can afford it.

10. I'm pretty sure Antiques Roadshow is the ~~best~~ only thing on TV.

The Fig Leaf of Pastoral Ministry: Part 2

2011-09-21T06:10:00.001-05:00

Part 1 is here.

"... they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings."
— Genesis 3:7

I have a theory. Or two.

Most pastors struggle with their work as a pastor being their righteousness more than most other Christians do with their vocation. I mean, most people don't look at their vocation as inherently spiritual and have heard so many sermons and lessons about how they must not seek to be justified before God by their works or work. But a pastor's work is blatantly spiritual and so his work and how well it's going before God and men bleeds over into his perception of how God accepts him. As my daughter says, "It's easy breezy, lemon squeezy."

My other theory is one I've been working out for a while now. A lot of you won't buy it. That's alright, I ain't selling anyhow.

Here it is - Most pastors preach out of this reality.

Most pastors, because they have justified themselves before God based on their ministry as a pastor, preach a message that betrays this almost every week. And not just in legalism. No, it's more subtle. I think the reason pastors preach about doing work that is ministry (evangelism, missions. etc.) to plumbers and accountants, homemakers and doctors is because well, this is how they justify themselves.

It's all they got because it's all they got.

Let's face it, a sermon helping work-a-day folks work out how God is glorified in their vocation is the bosom buddy of unicorns and yetis. Whereas, sermons pushing a nurse to question if she is doing something sufficiently spiritual are legion.

And why not? The pastor himself seeks to justify his own self through ministry. Of course he is going to preach out of that belief, even if he can't see it. It can get so screwed up you can seek to justify yourself before God by how well you preached the gospel of justification, wretched men that we are.

I speak of what I know. One finger is pointing at others but 4 have drawn a bead on me.

With confidence I can say I've sported last year's fig leaf fashions.
And then asked others to try it on.
Sometimes I'd plead.
Sometimes I'd ridicule.
Sometimes I'd flatter.
And then I'd feel better about my own threads.

(To be continued...)

Tuesday's 10: Reflections After A Week

2011-09-20T06:35:00.000-05:00

Some reflections after a week or so:

1. This time last week I knew less than the average person about banking. Now I know just enough to be dangerous.

2. While I'm taking these tests I feel as if I'm failing them but each time I do really well. This is a new sensation for me...doing well on tests.

3. So far the hardest part of my job is the ironing.

4. Yesterday was such a long a day of testing, I got emotional over one of the fictional scenarios I had to help a fictional widower with.

5. It surprises me how much I like what I'm learning.

6. I didn't even think about facebook or Twitter yesterday while working. My head was full of Time Deposits, IRAs and Bacon.

7. I keep thinking about that show The Nine.

8. I signed up for a license yesterday and I am not really all that sure what it is for.

9. My PC skills are less than stellar.

10. My mom was a lending officer, maybe it's in my blood.

The Fig Leaf of Pastoral Ministry: Part 1

2011-09-19T06:13:00.001-05:00

"...they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings." — Genesis 3:7

I'll have to go back to my graduate studies for this one.

My pastor was on the the Board of Covenant Theological Seminary, where some friends and I were studying. When he would come up from Birmingham for Board meetings, he would take us out for dinner. This was always a highlight. You know, free food and all.

One night we were all sitting around talking and he asked how our studies were going. I can remember where I was sitting in that Longhorn Steakhouse when I told him I was having trouble with how the content was not only continually challenging me on an academic level (which I expected) but it was leveling me emotionally (which I had not expected).

My studies had become a huge part of my sanctification. And not just in how I did them but in the very content. I can't remember all he told me but I remember walking away with an understanding of my need to embrace it and see it all for my good. I needed to roll with it knowing I'm not justified by my grasp of the content or even my growth in it.

This is the way it's supposed to be.

Fast forward. Last November — for the first time since 1997 when I started pursuing ministry — I was seriously thinking about not being a pastor. I had looked jealously at the work of the Fed-Ex driver previously but no serious entertainment of leaving the pastorate had been done. But this was different. I was worried about my own emotional health and my family's. The work was demanding a toll and we were running out of resources to pay the fare. Literally and figuratively.

So we started thinking about me resigning from being an associate pastor. But after our pastor resigned a few weeks later, we knew we could not leave. So we waited. And prayed. And hoped.

And then about 6 months ago the decision was made. I would resign from being a pastor.

There were lots of difficulties to be considered. How would people perceive this? What would I do? What could I do? Will I be happy doing something else? How will this affect the people at church? But all these were pretty easily dealt with compared to one haunting question.

How will this affect my relationship with God?

When you're in vocational ministry, no effort is required for you're performance in ministry to be confused with you're standing before God. The people you serve starting taking on the significance of the Creator of the Universe. Actually, that's not true. It's their perception of us we dress up in gilded shiny yellow and then bow down to.

Sure, we are sinful. But we are pastors. And so we cover the shame of our respectable sins with the fig leaf of pastoral righteousness.

I just got one question - What if you are no longer going to be a pastor?

(To be continued...)

Wait. What Am I Gonna Do With This Seminary Degree?

2011-09-15T21:46:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I got my review copy of Brennan Manning's memoir. Once again something he wrote has shown up at the right time with all the grace God can muster. Let me explain.

I have an M. Div. For those who don't know, it's a pretty intense course of study. Greek and Hebrew are the two specters waiting for every student who dares to enter. And those were some of my easier subjects. The hours work out to be similar to the hours of Med School. And while in Med School you lose a lot of sleep. In seminary every class offers conviction, guilt and inadequacy. There are no "light" classes. But like so many others, I got through it, mercifully.

But now I'm a banker.

Did I waste my time and money?

As I read through the memories of Brennan Manning, I see something. Actually, you don't even have to read the book. Just look at the cover of this memoir of a divorced ex-priest and persistent alcoholic. The title is All Is Grace. He has this crazy idea that his life - so full of difficulty and pain (a ridiculously hateful mother and alcoholic father) is all grace. None of it wasted. Not the bad. Not the pain. Not the loneliness. Not even his own sins are wasted in God's economy.

All is grace.

God is the original recycler and repurposer. He takes it all and magically works it like those people who can find a use for anything and everything. I don't even understand those people. I just kinda look at them in wonder wishing I could see what they see before they mold what looks like a mess into reality.

I can see so little. So I don't rightly know how he is going to do this. I don't know how it's all going to work or how he will use an M. Div. in the life of a banker. Maybe it will show up in this blog. Maybe in more books. Maybe, just maybe it took a seminary training and years of ministry before I could enter the business world with my head on straight...loving God and neighbor in the thick of it.

Hmmm, I wonder....regardless, all is grace. And I would not trade my degree from Covenant Theological Seminary for any other.

Thursday's (Not So) Random Thoughts

2011-09-15T07:09:00.001-05:00

I've been working in Corporate America for all of 3 days now. Here are some thoughts.

1. It's weird when a meeting starts and no one prays.

2. My ability to concentrate on what I'm reading is hindered by the very fact I understand so little of what I'm reading.

3. Around every corner I seem to spy someone who looks lonely or sad.

4. Last night we watched Jane Eyre. Mr. St. John asks Jane what she will do with all her fine accomplishments as she teaches the cottager's daughters. Her reply? "I will keep them till they are needed."

5. Just about everyone is ahead of me in the training curriculum.

6. I find that I like having a period of the day when I am busy but when that period is over, the bliss of home.

7. Every badge represents a soul.

8. I've shaved more in the last week than in the previous 3 weeks combined.

9. I've worn a tie twice this week and I still have no idea what it is for.

10. My kids are excited about the free suckers.

Training Day

2011-09-14T07:08:00.000-05:00

And it's the first of many. I'm mentally exhausted.

But I'm really thankful.

I'm thankful that long before now I began recognizing there is a spirituality in doing this kind of work. And it's not a less-than spirituality but one in which we created for. A spirituality which pushes back the fall and expands the kingdom. This is a little sliver of the gospel I'm having to remind myself of.

I'm having to put my money where my mouth is...very literally. But I'm glad. Lord knows — and probably y'all do too —how much I need the humility. Not because the job itself is humiliating. No, it's my absolute and utter ignorance of the field I'm working in now which is humbling.

I could talk at length on most subjects theological, educational, philosophical, artistic and literary. And I could do it without making a fool of myself. But now? Geez...the 22 year old training next to me is moving far more quickly through the curriculum than me.

Have I mentioned how humbling this is?

By the way, I know this seems a little Narcissistic. Believe me. I can feel that pull. But I keep getting notes telling me how helpful all these thoughts are to people — pastors and no. So bear with me for a few days.

And thanks for all your prayers.

Tuesday's 10: Day 1

2011-09-13T07:17:00.000-05:00

You are reading this on Day 2 but Day 1 was yesterday.

Day 1 was the "ground zero" for all the myriad of emotions vying for attention and taking aim at every second guess.

I would have never imagined I'd be where I am.

As I sat there alone in my suit waiting for the orientation start - I wasn't alone alone, I just was the only one in a suit who didn't already work there - as I sat there alone, I had to keep reminding myself what I was doing.

"I'm starting over."

I had to say it over and over because I kept forgetting and thus the whirlwind swirling.

Don't get me wrong...from where I stand the landscape in front of me is panoramic, brightly lit with all the fire of future hopes burning bright on the horizon.

Heck, one day we may be able to afford a vacation - instead of taking one we can't afford and then hating the regret.

But that horizon is a gift of peace from the Prince who promises such things.

And it all felt like a grace I have not known in so very long.

My Resignation As A Pastor

2011-09-12T06:21:00.000-05:00

Last night I informed the members of Branch Life Church of my resignation and today I will begin a full-time job outside of vocational ministry for the first time since Bethany and I left our home to begin studying at Covenant Theological Seminary.

Before I really get started, I ask you - please do not jump to any conclusions.

No one has asked me to resign. This is not due to any ethical or moral issue. I have not lost my faith. This is not a result of any dissatisfaction or loss of love between Branch Life Church and myself.

This has been brewing for almost a year. Two main factors have been the catalysts. And while there are lots of little things here and there contributing, it is entirely truthful to boil this down to emotional and financial health. We need both and my resignation is a move toward them.

I have now been on staff at three churches where the lead pastor has left shortly after my arrival. In only one of these was I even remotely involved. Regardless, they all taken their toll on Bethany and I emotionally. Maybe they shouldn't. But such thinking is neither here nor there because it has taken a toll mercilessly and even though we look for the wherewithal to pay it continually, we just cannot afford it. I am sure I own some of the weight we have labored under. The result is I do not want to be a pastor. And for this reason I do not need to be a pastor.

For some of you, this is unfathomable. Part of your lack of being able to understand comes from you just not knowing everything. There are variables and arcs of the story few know. I assume much will be made known and then you will understand more. I sure hope this happens. For others, you think the height of spirituality is being a vocational pastor. I will not be able to ease your mind. So I won't try. To you, it is the highest sign of spirituality for a banker to become a vocational pastor. But it is the mark of worldliness for a pastor to become a banker. Maybe I'll argue with you later.

Our finances are wrecked. There is no other way to put it. In coming onto staff at Branch Life Church, we knew our savings account would take a hit. It has. The moments when we have been able to live paycheck to paycheck have been few and far between. Some of you will understand — the euphoric feeling when you are able to pay all your bills without dipping into savings is an oasis in a dessert parching the soul. I do not tell you this so you will pity us merely, it's part of our story.

Not caring about money is the luxury of those who have it. But I have a wife and 3 kids. And so for a number of months I've been looking for other employment. (It will take another post to explain what it was like.) Finally I found a job at a bank, thanks to an old friend, who took mercy on me. Starting out, I will not make much more than what I make now. But there is the possibility of more in the near future.

Add to this — it would financially irresponsible for a church of BLC's size to continue to pay me any amount whatsoever. The writing was on the wall for 2012. No one approached me about it. I saw the writing lit stark like fire scrawled across the night sky about 6 months ago.

So even If I wanted to continue to be a pastor I would have to look elsewhere. But I will not move again. I cannot do that to my family. Heck, I can't do it to myself. No, we are here for good. Place is far more precious than position for us. I would rather work three jobs in the shadows of Red, Shades and Oak Mountain than relax anywhere else.

I'll be staying on for a little longer at BLC as a very part-time pastor - just to finish up some responsibilities and help transition.

My faith is intact and alive and kicking. Grace is more precious. Mercy is counted upon more. And no longer is my vocation a fig leaf.

Last, would you pray for me? This is going to be a weird transition. By the time you read this I will have had to get ready very early, put on a tie and go to the orientation for a job in a vocational field which I know so little of. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad. Being a theologically trained banker sounds very interesting to me. But it is going to be all so new and so very different. Pray for my nerves and that I would honor the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and bankers in all of this.

More to come.

10 Thoughts About Tuesday September 11, 2001

2011-09-11T08:24:00.000-05:00

I know it isn't Tuesday. But it iss a Tuesday I want to reflect on. Here are 10 thoughts for that day:

1. I find myself emotionally staggering between the desire to not forget that day and the near paralyzing fear of watching video of the towers being hit and then falling.

2. Bethany was sent home from work because she worked for a financial institution. We only had one car so I skipped class and picked her up in silence. So we spent most of that day glued to the TV. But at some point we had to get out. So we took our bikes down to the Katy Trail just west of St. Louis and rode till the dark came. All that calm and quiet and beauty was good for us.

3. I can remember being very glad Bush was our President. And I'm still glad he was.

4. It is easy for us...me to poke fun at those who reacted with bravado and a simple desire to defend our country and whip the tails of America's enemies. But such a reaction may be far more profound than the detached philosophical posture so en vogue today.

5. It is impossible to take seriously the position of those who think we should have taken no military action in response. Sometimes you have to do things you will never enjoy for the good of others.

6. I remember only being able to smile as a nervous habit over the next few days.

7. The most painful images are still those of people having to jump from the Twin Towers. One moment they were working and then they were having to decide whether to burn in unimaginable fiery temperatures or hurl their bodies into the sky and experience the cool breeze previous to instant death. That is why they call it terrorism.

8. Just eight days earlier we had casually flown in from a labor day vacation. Because of my own fears and precautions taken by airports no flight since has been casual.

9. Less than 3 years later I spent some time at Ground Zero. I wanted to go but I did not enjoy it and was eager to leave. I felt as though I was gawking at a fresh wound.

10. We checked in with our parents at some point during the day knowing we were enjoying a luxury now thousands could not afford.

Linkage

2011-09-09T07:52:00.000-05:00

1. Jane Fonda's Crush on Che Guevara (If you don't ever read anything else I post, at least read this.)

2. Winnie the Pooh's Ingenious Culinary Invention

3. I'm wondering what my worship-leader friends think of this article.

4. I ain't the only one asking big questions about evangelism.

5. Use the word "mundane" in a post about The Beatles and you will get linked.

6. 40 Behind the Scenes Photos from Star Wars.

7. Ryan Adams on 9/11 and His Reluctant 'New York' Anthem

8. Just three days after Labor Day, this.

9. Looks like there is a credible threat of terrorism for this weekend.

10. "Every day, iPhone users spend at least 1 million hours playing Angry Birds," according to this article. Sounds about right.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-09-08T07:33:00.000-05:00

1. Grace is big enough to nestle in between the tiniest of comforting words.

2. I like Winnie the Pooh more than an almost 40 year old should. My kids don't like the bear with no pants enough.

3. I have an inordinate amount of anger towards spammers. And it looks kinda like this.

4. Beauty is medicine for a weary soul.

5. There are three men in the library that I'm in. They look like they could credibly play a serial killer in one of those crappy network dramas...CSI: Vestavia.

6. Last night I had dinner with my wife's cousin. He's a firefighter. I told him how to better do his job, you know... how you might be tempted to tell your pastor to do his.

7. When you begin to doubt if God is good, remember bacon.

8. One of the great mysteries of the Universe is why every mexican restaurant has thin salsa everybody loves but every "Restaurant Style" offered in grocery stores is thick and chunky. C'mon Obama, get on that problem!

9. Just kidding about #6, I actually just looked at him in awe.

10. Started watching Battlestar Galactica last night. Not sure yet how I feel about it. But every time the new President was on screen I wanted her to say, "Tatonka."

They Are Discussing My Articles on Evangelism Over At New Reformation Press

2011-09-07T07:25:00.002-05:00

Over at New Reformation Press they are discussing my articles on evangelism.

This is great for a couple of reasons. I'm a writer and anytime someone is talking about what I've written, I'm getting paid in high value (and high yield?) currency. But even more I really like New Reformation Press. They are a breath of fresh air in a religious climate full of noxious fumes.

Please go join in the discussion.

Tuesday's 10: Talented Musicians I Don't Like

2011-09-06T14:29:00.000-05:00

(I know this is going out late today. No power at the house thanks to Lee. I'm at the library now with all the other serial killers. Hopefully the rest of my posts will happen earlier.)

And when I say don't like 'em, I mean just that. They are just meh. I don't hate the music they make, I just can't seem to care about it much.

These are all super talented people. I just don't like their music enough to ever miss it. Maybe's it me. Maybe I'll like it at some later time. Maybe I'll win the lottery, get that pet dragon I've always wanted and my wife will dress up as Princess Leia (ROTJ?) for Halloween.

Regardless, here they are...

1. The Avett Brothers. I just don't get it. OK, OK, they have a few songs that are pretty decent. But hipsters quote them like they are the Oracle of Delphi. I've literally tried a dozen times to get into them. All were failures.

2. Sufjan Stevens. While some of his music is interesting, I need more than interesting. Talented? Yes. It's just all too clever and ironic and quirky. I get the feeling he's bored with music (much like Radiohead) and now is just trying to get people's attention. The whole edgy 'christian' musician using profanity to shock is tired.

3. Mumford and Sons. I'd rather listen to Taylor Swift any day. Seriously. On paper, it appears as if I should love this band but I don't. I do have hope for their second album.

4. The Fleet Foxes. The first time I listened to their album, I liked what I heard. But with every subsequent listen, I enjoyed it less and less till now I'd rather listen to silence. Often beautiful but never does it grab me.

5. Rush. Sorry, outside of Tom Sawyer, it's just painful. Maybe if I were a musician, I would like 'em.

6. John Mayer. Guitarists swear this guy is awesome and I've heard a few songs that prove he has some serious guitar playing skills. But I've always felt like he's just using music to bed women. However, my wife does often sing "Your Body Is A Wonderland" to me.

7. Jimi Hendrix. I have a lot of respect for the guy, just don't like anything I've heard. Actually I prefer to hear other people do his songs.

8. Paul Simon. The Obvious Child is a great song but really no other song I've ever heard makes me want to play it again. Even the new album which lots of folks are raving over escapes me.

9. Arcade Fire. I can't remember the last time someone said anything about them. This makes total sense to me.

10. Nickelback. I just don't get why you hipsters like 'em so much.

Happy BBQ Day!

2011-09-05T08:49:00.002-05:00

No real post today.

Actually that's not true, because this is now a bona fide post.

I'm conflicted about Labor Day. I'm not a fan of labor unions but I do have a lot of respect for BBQ. As a matter of fact they are polar opposites in my universe.

The Universe of AwesomestuffIlike.

It's a great place.

So. I'll be celebrating pork and fixins' and some time with my parentals and my brothers and their families.

Protip: Don't trust people who don't eat BBQ.

And Happy BBQ Day!

Linkage

2011-09-02T08:10:00.000-05:00

1. If you are keeping up with what is going on with Sovereign Grace Ministries...actually if you don't give a rip, you need to read Taylor's Story and Why Sovereign Grace Ministries Doesn't Like Victims.

2. Paul McCartney's Interview With Doris Day.

3. A TV Appearance By the Last Living Eyewitness of Lincoln's Assination.

4. Get a raw deal from your parental units? Why not sue 'em? Good grief.

5. So you say you want an exciting vision for the church, huh?

6. Four Myths About the Crusades

7. Don Miller Remembers Tolkein on the Anniversary of His Death

8. "We will not change until we choose our heroes not by how cogently or fiercely they defend our position on this issue or that, but by how much they reflect the grace of Christ whatever their position." - R.C. Sproul Jr.

9. "Adele's 'Rolling in the Deep,' Non-Sexualized Music Has Major Influence on Pop Culture"

10. My good friend David Mackle knows music (he is also a great realtor). And he knows me well. So when he recommends music, I listen. A few days ago he told me I should check out The Decemberists' new album, The King Is Dead. He was right. It's magnificent and simple and lush and full of musical landscapes for the ear and heart. Below is video of the whole album done live.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-09-01T06:33:00.000-05:00

1. The almost 40 year old Dad in me is glad my kids like school. The 10 year old in me is scandalized.

2. As I type this I am sitting in a library inspired by Frank Lloyd Wright aaaaaaand they only have one pitiful book about his work. What is this world coming to?

3. My wife keeps getting better looking, which is remarkable since I thought she was strikingly pretty when we met. It's like magic.

4. I hear tell of a time long, long ago when larger than life amphibians roamed the land and water fell from the sky.

5. I'm trying to think of a name for my readers...something which describes the people who read this blog. You know, something like 'brilliant' or 'smarter than your average person."

6. Note to self: Look in mirror before going anywhere. Ever.

7. I don't want to live in world without Cuban Sandwiches.

8. I wonder how the CEO of Spam feels about spam.

9. Saw a book at the library called Great Mysteries of the Universe. Now I only looked through the table of contents but there were no references to Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts. Should've checked the glossary.

10. I've thought all along that global warming was a result of the existence of a great big ball of fire in the sky.

Happy Birthday to Van Morrison

2011-08-31T08:07:00.002-05:00

Van Morrison turns 66 today.

It's no secret how much I love the music of Van Morrison. I started listening to his music back in 1996, actively. Of course I knew many of his songs but only the radio friendly ones. But in 1996, I took a plunge from which I have to emerge. How it all started is a pretty good story.

It was a Saturday morning and I was bored. Particularly I was bored with my music and wanted something new and different. If there was an internet, I knew nothing of it. So I drove over to the record store at Century Plaza Mall. I walked around the store over and over looking for something interesting.

I can remember stopping in front of the Van Morrison CDs and picking up his Greatest Hits. As I looked at a memory of something my friend Jay had once said shot from out of the forgotten like a bullet. "Van Morrison's music seems to be a quest for beauty."

Jay was not what you would expect. We worked together at Chuck's BBQ in Opelika and were both students at Auburn. He described himself as redneck trailer-trash. Prone to depression and ridiculous kindness, he was an enigma. His major was Russian Lit and he played the guitar about as well as anyone I've ever known. When he played it felt.... it felt like it was coming from this great longing for some unknown beauty in the midst of all the ugliness.

It was the blues mostly.

So as I sat there holding that CD, this is what kept me from putting it back - this longing for something beautiful. I went home and put it in. And I listened. I sat on the couch all day and listened. And I can remember the feeling of wanting - needing to plunge deeper each time. The feeling was so profound, even though I have over 60 Van Morrison albums, I still listen to that Greatest Hits disc because of that experince on that day.

You might be tempted to think I was being lazy or wasteful of my time by listening to an album over and over for nearly a whole day. But it was not. Not only did I walk into a storehouse of music which will take me a lifetime to explore. But I found beauty.

Tuesday's 10: What I Learned From My Pastor, Bob Flayhart

2011-08-30T09:48:00.002-05:00

Back in 1996 I was a mess. I was in a toxic relationship, had very little direction, a ridiculous amount of debt and though I was beginning to enjoy the study of theology through books, my desire to be a part of a church was disappearing. All I knew were the Baptist Churches I had grown up in. I wanted out and had no idea where to go.

One day, while sitting on my parents front porch, I was talking with my friend Ross and told him some of my frustration about church. He invited me to one he had been attending. So that Sunday, for the first time I went to a Presbyterian church. And even though the Lead Pastor did not preach that Sunday, I was hooked.

And then for years I sat under the preaching of Bob Flayhart hanging on every word. And every word was a word of grace. Grace that comforts and grace that convicts. I needed both and every Sunday it was delivered with power.

No preacher has influenced me more. And I've longed to give tribute to his ministry and it's peculiar effect on me. Today is his birthday. So I want to list 10 things I've learned from Bob over the years. And even though much of this has helped me as a pastor, far more often I've needed to hear these things on a personal level - as a man, a husband and a father. Some of these come from sermons, some from the pre-marital counseling he did for us. All of it is now part of me and I wouldn't be able to shake it loose if I wanted.

1. The Christian life is a daily waltz. 1, 2, 3...Repent, Believe, Fight...1, 2, 3...Repent, Believe, Fight. This is in the DNA of OMPC and chances are you will here it at some point during a Sunday service.

2. Cheer up! You are a lot worse off than you think you are. And the gospel is greater than you could ever imagine. I know this a Jack Millerism but whenever I hear it, I hear it in Bob's voice. And I hear it all. the. time.

3. Even in the midst of your sin, you are still loved. This is a variation on a theme. But I remember Bob saying this once and it caused a huge paradigm shift in my thinking. The love of God for his children is that great.

4. The "doctrines of grace" are given as encouragement. They had always been an argument since I'd bought in and became a Calvinist. Bob helped me see they are there to encourage Christians that God is at work always and will save his people.

5. Our spouse is given to us for our sanctification. If it true that all things are working together for our good, then our spouse and our marriage are both working for our good. This is an enormous help when you have two people who still have to fight against sin living under the same roof.

6. Our own sin should be far more obvious than the sins of our spouse. We should see ourselves as the greater sinner because we know the ins and outs of our own hearts better than anyone. This makes us slow to accuse and quick to show grace and mercy.

7. Marriage is not 50-50..."you do your part and then I'll do my part" is a terrible way to live and love. It's 100-100. The husband should give his life as Christ did. The wife should give her all as the church is called to give all. Both loving the other radically.

8. Husbands are not dictator and wives are not doormats. How many times did we hear this in weddings he performed? There was a time where it was weekend after weekend. I've now done two weddings and I've said the same thing. Because it's true.

9. Transparency. It's difficult to be transparent about your own struggles and need for the gospel of grace and not turn the sermon or lesson into a confessional. But I'd rather have the struggle for balance than not see any need for transparency at all. Bob's transparency turns "you need to" moments into "we need to" moments.

10. Looking for grace everywhere. No matter where I am in the Scriptures. No matter what I am listening to. No matter what I am reading. No matter what I'm watching, I've been trained to look for stories and ideas upon which the shadow of the cross falls. Sure, it's been invaluable as a pastor. But more so as a person on the path so often needing just a sign - even a faded, warped one - that I'm loved because of the Son.

Evangelism Redux

2011-08-29T07:36:00.000-05:00

For over a year I've been fielding questions, having conversations and receiving...ehem, interesting emails over a post called "The Silence of Paul On Evangelism." I've been called a heretic and I've received an amazing amount of notes of gratitude. I expected the criticism but not the gratitude. And honestly, I'm thankful for both.

But I think it's time to say more. I know it is unthinkable to wait as long as I have to say more in a world like our own. Everything so immediate. But the weight of the subject has kept me back from saying much more. But I need to say more and maybe...hopefully close the discussion. Eventually

So I wanted to offer some thoughts that will hopefully clarify further, provoke some more thought and get us on the journey of loving God and neighbor.

A couple things before we begin: First, please read all of these. Especially if you find yourself confused or angry. Second, I ask that you stop and think before you respond. I do not ask you to agree with me so much as think deeply.

With that, let's begin.

1. There is no command after Pentecost for believers to evangelize. This is a fact. Paul does not command evangelism in his letters to the churches. Peter doesn't do it. John doesn't do it. In the letters to the churches, the command is just not there. This is not an argument for anything. It's just not there. I know there are some passages which come close and there are examples. But close is not the same. And examples are not commands. There are commands to pastors and vocational missionaries to evangelize but not to ordinary believers.

2. The above statement should not cause you alarm if you love evangelism. If you think it is dangerous for me to point this out, your beef is with reality. With God himself. You are alarmed that someone is pointing to something the Holy Spirit did. Not Matt Redmond. Not anyone, save God. The truth sets us free because it is entirely in step with the character of Jesus. Embrace it and look to it for warmth in the midst of a cold world that denies the power of truth.

3. No one gets reprimanded for not evangelizing in the Scriptures. There are no rebukes. No one is made to feel they have erred or sinned. No one is guilted into doing it more. No tweetable statements making those who have not evangelized today (or lately) feel like they have neglected their duty. There is nothing of the sort. This is in stark contrast where the majority of pastors across the evangelical landscape lean heavy upon those in the pew to be about the business of evangelism. And yet, there is no example for them to do so.

4. The lack of commands in the letters to the churches must be meaningful. If there were many commands we would point to them often. Those who are passionate about evangelism would wield them with ferocity against those who questioned the wisdom of evangelism. If you deny any meaning to the silence, you cannot ask with any seriousness for us to pay attention to the noise.

5. I think evangelism MUST have some place in the Christian life. I just do not think it is the thing. I do not think it is the sign of faith. In other words we have no justification for questioning the salvation of a person who is not engaged in evangelism. But evangelism to some degree may be beyond a command. Why do I say this? We must speak of the reality around us, within us, beyond us and out in front of us. But primarily because it is reality. To call this evangelism always is to reduce it to something smaller than what it is.

6. The guilt poured upon those who have no desire nor inclination to do cold evangelism is wrong. I do not think we can justify it biblically. We have no cause to guilt someone into a practice which most unbelievers have no desire to be involved with. This is not a blanket condemnation of cold evangelism. But I do not think it needs to be reigned in.

7. Evangelism seems to be the trump card for the evangelical church. This is insane. Think about it. A guy can be a complete jerk, lack any generosity, have a mess of a home-life but if he is known as a soul-winner, nothing can be said against him. For some reason we have exalted a practice the ordinary believer is not commanded to pursue. And we have done this while ignoring the prevailing horizontal ethic of the New Testament: Love. That is what we are called to over and over and will be distinguished by.

8. There has to be a happy medium between those who make evangelism the most important thing and those who would make it nothing. I've no tolerance for either position. Both are skewed to the personality. One is a bully pulpit and one is a coward's castle. I do not know that this happy medium can be plotted on a graph or made into a plan of action. But I do assume if we continue to love God and love our neighbor, believing the gospel of grace in Christ and seek to manifest the fruit of the Spirit, we will see people converted.

9. C.S. Lewis said, "You can’t get second things by putting them first; you can get second things only by putting first things first." And I think this wisdom can be applied to our present subject. I think if we seek after what is explicit - love and all else commanded (did you know we are commanded to live quiet lives more times than we are commanded to share our faith in Paul's letters?) - we will see what we want to see happen. I think we will see people who cannot help but talk about reality. But as it is, all of reality is filtered through a grid where all information, experience, knowledge and need must pass through the non-commanded command of evangelism.

10. I often wonder if our lack of trust is betrayed by our feeling we must always be talking about something Paul never really talked about... much less commanded. We have constructed a narrative which says you do not trust God if you are not always encouraging and engaging in evangelism. But I wonder if such activity is clouding our ability to see that we really do not trust him. Stop. I know what you are thinking. But I am not a hyper-Calvinist. I believe the pastor should call unbelievers to belief. I believe there are times neighbors should do the same. But I wonder if we are trying to get ahead of God. God's means just may not be pre-packaged formulas given by spiritual spammers to real people with real beating hearts and real problems and real dreams and real failures. They are often more kind and loving than we are. Maybe we should trust God when he says to love them - by doing so I assume we will be seeking the kingdom and then maybe, just maybe all else will be added. Including some conversions.

Conclusion: I am pro-evangelism. However, I do not think it is a central part of Christian ethics. I think our current teaching on evangelism is out of proportion to the teaching contained in the Scriptures and this leads to misplaced guilt and ends up being a hindrance to the spread of the glory of God instead of a profusion.

What do you think? Why do you think we see no commands in the letters to the churches and yet are so quick to command people to evangelize? How can seeing the lack of something help us do something better?

Linkage

2011-08-26T07:14:00.001-05:00

(Updated: See #10)

1. You may have thought I was crazy when I wrote Food Is the New Legalism but even the NYT agrees.

2. Kinky Friedman is supportive of Rick Perry for President. Weirdly awesome.

3. Every time I turn around someone is making a positive case for my upcoming book.

4. Even Hipsters are abandoning Obama.

5. Moms, you should really be reading my friend Anita's blog.

6. A great response to Tim Challies' regarding the SGM controversy.

7. This Frank Lloyd Wright blog completes me.

8. In case you missed it, I have an article over here.

9. A photo album of Condolezza Rice and other bizarre items found inside the Gadaffi compound.

10. I'm being called a "negative influence" on a private forum by at least one pastor because I wrote this after lots of thinking and then reading this. I appreciate the increased traffic. (Update: The pastor referred to above sent me a very sincere apology. A rare thing in this world. I actually had no idea who it was that said this, I just knew he was part of A29. You should be so ~~lucky~~ providentially blessed to have such a pastor as this guy.)

"Everything Is Meaningless"

2011-08-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

The Brink - a magazine/website for twenty-somethings - has published a piece I wrote for them.

The following is an excerpt:

"The book of Ecclesiastes is a puzzle for most people. Just when you think you have heard something which rings true, you happen upon a phrase, verse, or whole section which sounds nothing like what you have been taught to believe or do for that matter. Just when you think the writer of Ecclesiastes is making a great point, he says something crazy like, "Everything is meaningless!"

Which is weird.

Or is it?

I mean, on the surface this sounds a lot like the nihilism so rampant in western culture. The philosophy which strips meaning from anything and everything. The belief that nothing really matters in this life or the next is not only popular in our world, it is also pervasive. Some get there by speculation and others by experiencing suffering to such a degree that meaning is like a dust particle in a pitch-black world.

But not us.

Evangelical Christians reject such ways of thinking. Don't we?

The proto-typical evangelical Christian finds it very easy to make sense of all the spiritual parts of their lives. Quiet times, Bible study, worship songs, sermons, prayer, baptism, communion, evangelism, missions and helping the poor are meaningful. We would never call these parts of our life "meaningless." It all has meaning because these are religious or spiritual acts we do which relate directly to God. They help us and others be connected to our Creator and Redeemer. And this gives us joy. And rightly so.

But what about the other parts of our lives?

What about the parts of our lives which do not seem all that spiritual? You know what I mean—the parts of life we must be about because they are, well . . . life? What about all those day-in and day-out repetitions? Do the routine and mundane parts of our lives have meaning?"

Go read the rest here.

(And yes, this is a good intro on what my book is about.)

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-08-25T07:32:00.001-05:00

1. In the songs of Van Morrison there are cracks and crevices, fissures of gold waiting to be discovered while the young clamor for the plastic new.

2. If Dickinson is right and "There is no frigate like a book" - then I want my children to be owners, captains and sailors of one thousand sea-worthy vessels on death-defying quests for beauty.

3. Some memories are like money found folded in the pockets of a coat unworn for seasons.

4. We do not even live paycheck to paycheck right now but the riches of my children's laughter crowds out the pangs of need.

5. Wonder is the lost needle among the haystack of instantaneous answers.

6. Beauty is a door into a world of grace. Turn around and grace is a door into a world of beauty.

7. The world will not see we are concerned about justice until our reputations are on the line and they hate us for it.

8. "What is good?" has been replaced by "What looks good?"

9. Ordinary life is the proving ground.

10. One thousand stars are not half as bright as the glint in the happy eyes of my wife.

Why I Alternately Love and Hate This Movement of Christian Manliness

2011-08-24T10:38:00.000-05:00

"You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?" - Gal. 3:1-3

It just hit me. I know why I alternately love and hate this new movement of manliness among evangelicals and especially the YRR. At least one reason. It has taken me a while to get my head around this call to manliness. Or at least begin getting my head around it.

There is an undeniable need for grown men to stop acting like boys. And yes some of them need to toughen up a little. Sensitivity does not preclude toughness of character and spirit. Indeed the mixture of the two is strong drink we could all use.

But it's all law. Law upon law. It is characterized by what men must do and need to do and should get busy doing. It lacks graciousness because it is a message of almost pure law.

And so I love it because deep within me is a Matt, who loves the law and longs to wield it like a weapon on others. And for some reason I even want to beat my own self up with it.

But I hate it because it is a ministry of death and destroys the spirits of those to whom it claim to be a balm. It reeks havoc on the soul. Or worse - it creates chest-thumping bullies who construct personas of toughness and manliness who look down on all who need to hear the message of manliness. I hate it because I put on this cloak of pretension and deride those who I claim to love. Even myself.

And for some reason we think the gospel of grace is the thing. Unless we are on this subject.

Tuesday's 10: Books That Have Helped Me 'Get' Grace

2011-08-23T08:06:00.001-05:00

My guess is that none ever gets grace completely. We are all on a journey of discovery and recovery. We are discovering the grand vistas of God's grace and also seeing worlds of grace in the minutiae of life. And we are recovering what was once intended - growing young in the aging face of history.

The following books have helped me along the way. This is not meant to be a best of list or seen as definitive. These are simply books which have moved me along in this world of "un-grace" as Yancey calls it. I'm not done with this list. As a matter of fact grace is what I'm always looking for when reading - no matter the genre or author.

My hope? Some of you will find a book to help you a few steps along the way.

These are in no particluar order.

1. What's So Amazing About Grace? by Phillip Yancey. I've never been able to get over this book. There are a number of stories throughout the book and this is where the strength of the book lies. It was through this work I discovered Babette's Feast, a favorite story.

2. Putting Amazing Back Into Grace by Michael Horton. It would not be much of an overstatement to say I was a Calvinist because of this book. And the theology presented here is the theology I still hold onto for the most part. mentally I go back to this book often.

3. The God You Can Know by Dan DeHaan You've most likely never even heard of this one. But it changed me and was the first book I felt like I could not get enough of. And it was the first book that made me weep while reading it. It's probably been 14 years or more since I've read it but it still shapes me.

4. The Prodigal God by Tim Keller. The kind of book that can change everything.

5. Gilead by Marilynne Robinson. A novel about an aged pastor learning to live out the grace he has preached. I Stayed up all night to finish once I got started. Painful and beautiful.

6. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. As much as I wanted to identify with Peter, as a kid I could not escape I was Edmund, in need of radical grace.

7. The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. This is still a relatively new one for me. I was always too reformed to even give it a try. But it came at just the right time. I was low and needed the grace that pours forth like Niagara from this book. The church...the world needs more books like this.

8. The Maytrees by Annie Dillard. This was my introduction to Annie Dillard and she clearly understands grace more than most preachers.

9. The Complete Stories by Flannery O'Connor. I know this cheating but in every story grace and the need for it edges in sideways and is sometimes there beside you sitting uncomfortably before you even know it.

10. The Bruised Reed by Richard Sibbes. If you start reading the Puritans here, it just may ruin you. I'm not a Puritan hater but this is the standard in my book. A comforting book I've needed to read again again because of disappointment and the simple need to be reminded of God's love for sinners.

The Confession of A Failing Pastor

2011-08-22T07:09:00.000-05:00

(I wrote the following back in August of 2009, I was at my wit's end emotionally. It was so bad, when we went on vacation to Birmingham to visit family, I was prepared to stay. Never to go back. I was right in the middle of despair. My guess is, a lot of guys in ministry get to that place and it is a terrible place to be. Accountants can experience despair and go do something else and it looks heroic. Pastors? No way. They are expected to rip open their shirts and reveal the S on the their chest. Bullets are supposed to bounce off and sermons just appear. All the while kryptonite is hurled at them through email, social media and meetings in coffee shops. I hope this is a help for other pastors.)

Whether I am failing as a student pastor or only perceived as failing is at this point moot. Well, maybe not entirely. But the effects are the same. Right? I mean, it is neither here nor there if the whispers are there, the discussions are going on behind your back and the arrows are flying. The truth of the matter is perhaps a very important thing for the Senior Pastor/Preacher/Lead Pastor and possibly for someone who oversees an adult ministry.

Why? Because they trade in truth.

Me? I trade in bodies, numbers and pizza. And it is amazing that the decrease in that which I trade in is the reason I feel as if I am drowning. Usually, the abundance is the difficulty. Usually you drown in abundance. In my case it is the stark nature of the thing. There are not enough bodies. I am not doing enough. I do not care enough. When or what is enough? How would I know? When everyone is happy?

It’s like a hall of mirrors really. I went to one at the Alabama State Fair back in elementary school. To be honest, it freaked me out. You turn one way and you are fat. The other way shows you as remarkably short. Another turn and you are twisted beyond all recognition. And all the reflections make it very hard to actually get perspective on the distortions and see reality for what it is. Even when you find the exit…exhausted, have you escaped? Are you not still trying to catch your breath?

I vowed to never go back in.

Today I went to bed twice for short periods of time. Is this healthy? It felt healthy. When you are hungry, you eat. When you are cold, you put on more clothing. When you are tired – soul-tired - you lay down.

Still.

Twice this week I am supposed to teach and for the first time in my ministerial life, I am not looking forward to it. This has never been the case before. I have always fed off the enjoyment of doing this. But right now I just want to hang out with Sam Adams and Billie Holiday. I just want to hang out with my wife in silence with small talk sprinkled clean by laughter. I want to watch my kids play and tickle them every now and then. Another nap would be welcome also.

Do I need a vacation? Am I burnt out? Maybe. The only path of sanity I can find is quitting. And I do not mean quitting this ‘job’. I am talking about quitting altogether. When you start envying the Fed-Ex delivery driver, something is not right. Can you quit for just a week or two? Perhaps I could start back then. But a few weeks of not being a “Pastor” (or at least what I am told that is) would be welcome indeed.

I used to talk about wanting to quit every week. That was very different. I knew I could not quit. The “call” was clear. Now not so much. Before, I could read something in the Scriptures or in a book that would drive me further in. Now what used to be fuel is retardant.

Not doubting my salvation is a great deal of help. The gospel is still good news. I don’t want to leave the “church”. I don’t want to leave my family. As a matter of fact these are the two things I want to run towards. Some may call it selfish but I want to be ministered to for a while. Emmylou Harris is singing My Baby Needs A Shepherd.

None of this is written for pity. There is cathartic help of course. But I really could find nothing like this anywhere. They are probably there somewhere. I did find some articles and essays about how pastors overcame their failures. Nowhere, though, did I find anything like a confession from a failing pastor in the midst of failure.

“My name is Matt Redmond…not that Matt Redman…and I am a failing pastor.”

Food Is the New Legalism

2011-08-19T10:47:00.000-05:00

If you have not heard about the scuffle between Travel Channel bad boy, Anthony Bourdain and Food Network darling, Paula Deen then go here and here.

Bourdain takes on Paula Deen's association with "evil corporations" and her unhealthy recipes.

I've been a fan of Bourdain for years and have seen almost every episode of No Reservations. Paula Deen got old very quickly for me and I have not watched an episode of hers in years, partly because we don't cable but even when given the opportunity, we will look for something else.

But see, here is the problem...Bourdain's show is not on public access and his show is replete with him eating lots of fatty, high calorie foods.

For Bourdain to blast evil corporations is hilarious. His show is on The Travel Channel and his publisher is an imprint of Harper Collins. Healthy food?

He is famous for his love of tubed meat.

But this is the way of legalism. And for some reason, a new legalism has begun to surround the food we eat. We now look down on others because of where they eat (local v. corporate), what they eat (organic and free range v. everything else) and even how it was prepared. And we puff ourselves up because we can afford to make the choices to eat differently.

Every legalist is a snob looking down the nose at those who know less and do less. Because the less-enlightened didn't watch the documentary the legalist watched they are looked down on.

We all do it.

But eventually the legalist will move on to something else because it really is not about food so much as pride and control. All of us, Christians and non-Christians have these hearts that just make up rules for people to follow. It would be bad enough if we only beat ourselves up with these laws but we don't. We are not satisfied until others are moved to take on these laws and made to be as miserable as ourselves.

Related Post: Thomas Merton and "This Cult of Foods"

Linkage

2011-08-19T07:43:00.001-05:00

1. The Washington Post is interested in what is going on in Sovereign Grace Ministries.

2. Beatles blogger extraordinaire, Matt Blick has been blogging his way through Abbey Road. Beatles fans, your mind will explode with information...in a good way, though. Absolutely fascinating.

3. NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo...

4. Who doesn't like a good waking-up-from-a-coma story? Well, here's ten of 'em.

5. I'm obsessed with the architecture of Frank Lloyd Wright. The tragedy Taleisin adds to the fascination..

6. OK, you convinced me. I'm going to buy a ~~go-cart~~ Prius now.

7. I mean why would a lawless administration care about laws?

8. Damn, Tea Party.

9. This is awesome and makes me hungry for chicken teriyaki.

10. The greatest (non-bacon) customer service story ever told.

Thursday's Random Thoughts

2011-08-18T08:00:00.000-05:00

1. My wife made Carnitas last night and they were awesome. (I'm actually typing this on Wednesday but I'm pretty certain they will be awesome. Update: Awesomeness confirmed)

2. Choosing chopsticks over a fork is like choosing the telegraph over the iPhone.

3. C.S. Lewis volunteered for WWI and yet loved Jane Austen. I'll take his manliness over the faux-manliness of the UFC-loving guys.

4. I love saying "Carnitas".

5. I know I'm supposed to be thankful in all circumstances but does that include the circumstance of a song by Gloria Estefan?

6. I only eat free-range corn dogs.

7. I couldn't be a pacifist if only because I like the Bourne movies and Taken too, too much. And i long for the day of conceal carry for rocket-launchers.

8. Did you know Marie Antoinette never said, "Let them eat cake"? But the real shocker is that Calvin Coolidge did say "Let them eat Bacon."

9. I don't trust people that don't like Ray Charles.

10. "CARNITAS"

Tim Challies Calls It a Personal Matter Between Mahaney and Detwiler...Detwiler Calls Him On the Carpet (Updated)

2011-08-17T14:51:00.001-05:00

Update: An Insider’s View of the SGM Controversy

Earlier today Tim Challies wrote about what is going on in Sovereign Grace Ministries. I was at first glad to see this but then absolutely astounded. He believes this is a "personal" matter between C.J. Mahaney and Brent Detwiler, which the later has elevated to tabloid journalism and he should have just left it to the Lord to handle.

Incredible.

Detwiler has already responded briefly and states he will do so more thoroughly later but I wanted to weigh in with a few thoughts.

1. I cannot for the life of me understand how Challies could call this a personal matter after reading the documents. Indeed, I have trouble believing he did read them. The concerns which Detwiler and others (making it by definition not personal) have been going to Mahaney about for years involve many other people and the way Mahaney has lead them and the denomination. Add to this, much of Detwiler's concerns are in regards to the SGM board - how can this be called merely personal? Sure it's personal but not only merely personal.

2. Challies, with a wave of the hand, dismissed the blogs and refused to discuss the concerns. That's rich. I can only assume he would not want to discuss the handling of sexual abuse cases and the hundreds if not thousands of lives represented on the blogs. By ignoring the blogs Challies is able to give the impression that this is only a personal disagreement between Mahaney and Detwiler.

3. For Challies (on his own blog by the way) to decry the public nature of it all is ridiculous. Detwiler sent his documents to other pastors in SGM, no one outside SGM. Someone else leaked them. Why would someone do this? Because Mahaney and SGM have worldwide influence and their books, songs and sermons swim into the ears of thousands upon thousands. Again, how could such problems be called merely personal.

I am incredulous. There is no way to read these documents and think this is merely a personal matter

Tuesday's 10: My Favorite Posts On This Blog

2011-08-16T08:39:00.000-05:00

1. Echoes and Stars. It's where the name of the blog came from and it's about the glorious early history of my wife and I

2. Go Ahead and Be Nobody Special. Whether it will be the last chapter of my book like I want, I am not sure but I love this little piece of writing.

3. Ten Lessons Learned From Eugene Peterson About Pastoral Work. I'm still learning from and thankful for this man, his ministry, his books and increasingly, his Message.

4. Going Green Eggs and Ham on "Blue Like Jazz". I'm not a good apologizer but Don is a good forgiver.

5. 10 Things I Say To My Wife That Make Our Marriage Great. Just go read it and feel free to use these yourself.

6. A Mother's Day Sermon...If I Had To Preach One. By far my most popular post, I still get thank you notes from all over the world in response to it.

7. Christmas Is for Haters. This one was picked up by TGC and should be somewhere on the Chrsitainty Today site in December.

8. 10 Thoughts On the Present Criticism of the American Dream. If I had one post that I think needs to be read by today's young people, this is it.

9. The Silence of Paul on Evangelism. Sometimes the Emperor has no clothes on and you have to say something.

10. This Peace With God. Part of a series. One I hope to pick up again.